CHILDHOOD STUFF – A creature of enormous shape

James / May 15th, 2011

Here’s something I wrote when I was 9 or 10 years old. It shows my illogical and carefree imagination, the kind of stuff I lived for as a kid. I must have been really obsessed with using different fonts. Also, cows roar! I bet you didn’t know that.


  • Ed Ground

    May 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    You REALLY should have Mike draw that out for you. if you won’t, someone else with some artistic skill should.

  • buckfutter

    May 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    I agree with Ed

  • psloother

    May 15, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    perhaps there would be a thought bubble which shows silver surfer slumped over in defeat

  • May 15, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Haha yes I agree with Ed, we need to see a drawing of that (anyone?).
    James I love your mind as a kid, it’s really interesting. (Weird sentence? Hope you understood anyway)

    Do you remember when you wrote this?

    I love looking through my old stuff that I did when I was younger, it brings back so many memories/laughter 🙂

  • May 15, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Why not making a drawing contest ? That would be very interresting !

  • ForTheLulz

    May 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    This brings up strange images in my head. Very interesting!

  • AikoujOi

    May 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Could be me but I think the different fonts works, I like it.

  • Snejku

    May 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    MIKE!!!!!!!! Get on this right away

  • May 15, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    thats 5 votes for a Mike Matei interpretation…just sayin’

  • leon

    May 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    a drawing contest of your creature would be great James!! Also, the idea of Mike getting to draw it is great! =)

  • cloob1

    May 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    When I was reading it at first I thought it said the testicles of a squid! LOL! That was awesome!

  • Jimbo

    May 15, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Quite an imaginative child you must have been. Mike NEEDS to draw that. And if a cow roared I think I would shit my pants.

  • May 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    I love seeing this stuff from your childhood. It’s always fun to get insight on James’ past.

  • May 15, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    I remember my speak and say… “The cow goes ROAR”…


  • May 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    *see & say

  • _moonlitAbyss

    May 15, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    What an imagination you must have had! I would also love to see Mike draw that :).

  • benderbendingrodriguez

    May 15, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    Wow, this legitimately poetry of some kind, even if it was unintentional and you just had a good imagination. The font even made it better. You talented whore.

  • Karate Kid Icarus

    May 16, 2011 at 12:56 am

    I remember doing something like this.

    The teacher would give you the first and last sentence and you had to fill in the center portion and draw a picture of what you were talking about…fun stuff.

    So where’s the pic you had drawn?

  • Karate Kid Icarus

    May 16, 2011 at 12:59 am

    If there’s no picture, someone needs to go into photoshop and give it a go.

  • Vampire3s

    May 16, 2011 at 1:54 am

    I’m going to have nightmares.

  • May 16, 2011 at 3:32 am

    james.. i was listening to some weird psychedelic music when i read this. …………wth, man?

  • Barragorn

    May 16, 2011 at 5:54 am

    Your 9 or 10 year old self apparently didn’t realise that ‘an’ comes before a word beginning with a vowel.

  • aryanthegreat

    May 16, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Jesus… You were an imaginative kid…..that is some monstrosity there James.

  • JoeBallz

    May 16, 2011 at 8:49 am

    apex of creativity

  • MarcusOrlyus

    May 16, 2011 at 9:01 am

    You know, most people don’t start dropping acid until they’re at least in their teens, hahaha

  • Prophet Wing

    May 16, 2011 at 11:01 am

    This is A+ grade creativity! I’d like to see a video of this entity.

  • Kiarachu

    May 16, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Wow…this is awesome!You may ask Mike to draw that creature…and I love the use of different font…it’s very creative.

  • May 16, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Mike.. please draw this abomination! 😀

  • ZX497

    May 16, 2011 at 11:51 am

    So THIS is where Jaws: The Revenge got the inspiration for the roaring shark.

  • Wagner8808

    May 16, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Mike PLEASE draw this. It would make my day.

  • TomM

    May 16, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    I defiantly agree that Mike should draw this. When I was reading these it kept reminding me of a poem. I have to say it is very creative.

  • May 16, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    One word: Manbearpig

  • Sullinator

    May 16, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Haha, great stuff as usual young James, although one thing that has bothered me is the use of multiple text fonts and shades. I am sure it was to get you familiar with early Windows 95 Word processing.

  • AikoujOi

    May 16, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Ok I had to laugh when somebody said Manbearpig up in the posts XD oh South Park is so funny

  • May 16, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    His most recurrent human thought must have been about his fucked up look.

  • KrispyBacon

    May 16, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    do want, to draw this, 😀

  • spideyman2099

    May 16, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    So just to get an image of this thing in my head I decided to draw it…..big mistake.

  • TheMeekGeek

    May 16, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Very creative! I remember when I was a kid, how much I LOVED Monsters!

  • cecilteapot

    May 16, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Yeah, So i drew this.. And my interpretation looks like a mentally challenged Jackalope. It’s those guinea pig teeth, that make it look extra special.

  • Stylix

    May 16, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Seeing all those different fonts gives me nightmares about my previous job, screen printing and making decals short run in a busy mall. The sad thing is, Ive been working with fonts for so many years doing that, that I could probably name off each of those fonts (or at least give names of fonts that would be identical to those.)

  • Bryal

    May 17, 2011 at 5:06 am

    “Jaws of a shark”
    “Teeth of a guinea pig”
    “Beak of a bird.”

    How do you picture that?

  • BobJohnson

    May 17, 2011 at 7:37 am

    and a glowing button on it’s cock

  • May 17, 2011 at 8:07 am

    if we hadn’t known who james was before, everyone here would just be saying “that’s soooo shitty” xD

  • viJilance

    May 17, 2011 at 10:46 am

    ^ the tits of a cow

  • AikoujOi

    May 17, 2011 at 11:28 am

    @ Bryal Maybe the creature had a beak with teeth inside that was the shape of guinea pig’s teeth but as sharp as a shark’s teeth.

  • May 18, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    “the hide of a snake”

    Wow that sounds awesome.

  • DrZaius

    May 18, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    This massive abomination is being held up on the legs of a goat?

    Poor goat legs.

  • Boondock Saint

    May 18, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    I want to see this thing fighting Godzilla now

  • germanium28

    May 18, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    I know you were younger but wouldn’t it be the antlers of a deer. It has the nose of a pig and the beak of a bird, whoa that’s wacky.

  • May 18, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    Nice! I too would love to see this creature fight Godzilla. James, make it so!

  • May 19, 2011 at 5:48 am

    The eyes of a hamster? Come on, you can do better 😉

  • Swedish Video Game Nerd

    May 19, 2011 at 8:35 am

    How very Lovecraftian.

  • May 19, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    a beak and a nose? i love it

  • TherealMofoMike

    May 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    hey mo’fugga when da fuck u makin more avgn vids? MAKE SOME MORE VIDS NOW ASSHOLE!


    May 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    nice poem

  • beedabee

    May 19, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    The roar of a cow?

  • May 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    The roar of a cow?


    I WANT TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT THAT MADE. HEY, UNIVERSAL, 20TH CENTURY, WARNER BROS….Bollywood? France? Italy? Nigeria (they have the second largest movie making industry in the world, it’s true.)

    Maybe you could make a puppet-animation like you did with Super Mega Mecha Epic Death Jesus Christ Version 9.X BETAMAX BITCH!

  • tecnician8

    May 19, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    thats a little bit of fuckin awesome. i love this guy. I WANT MORE NERD VIDEOS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!!

  • May 19, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    This is stupid. You were a stupid kid with no friends.

    OK, that’s mean*. I have to agree with TherealMofoMike though, new video already. The time you spent doing these other videos you could have put out one (AVGN) that people actually want to see.

    *Mean but most likely true.

  • metalcommand

    May 20, 2011 at 7:10 am

    @ Anyone complaining about a new AVGN.

    AVGN is on a break so he can focus on other projects and the new AVGN movie.

  • May 20, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I’d hate to see this creature anywhere in my area that’s for sure. 🙂

  • drev

    May 20, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Nice ! Mick, you should draw a picture of that beast !

  • May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Tell Mike to make a drawing of it lol
    I’m going to do it right now lol

  • May 20, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    @TherealMofomike Hey asshole, STFU. You are not diserving of that name by a long shot. so piss off.


  • goldeneye007man

    May 22, 2011 at 10:57 am

    mike needs to draw that

  • May 24, 2011 at 12:29 am

    From the green misty water came a creature of enormous shape
    with the hide of a snake
    the legs of a goat
    but with the teeth of a guinea pig
    the ears of a rabbit
    the nose of a pig
    the smell of a skunk
    the horns of a deer
    the tail of an alligator
    but with the bark of a dog
    and the howl of a wolf
    the roar of a cow
    and the claws of a cat
    the wings of a hawk
    the eyes of a hamster
    and the tentacles of a squid
    gills of a fish
    beak of a bird
    and the fur of a moose
    But with the cock of a human……

  • Black Francis

    May 25, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    I just can’t understand how people actually kiss James ass for everything he does including this, he’s good but he isn’t a Roger Waters, a Jim Morrison, a Kurt Cobain or something like that, I like him as avgn, but I hate when he posts shit like this, to what point?, many musicians or painters were creative when they were kids, but they weren’t show-offs, and if you have some brain, you can clearly see that he did this shit older…..

  • Kartof

    May 28, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Picture of that beast like i see it

    my blog

  • UltimateTomato

    May 29, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    You fight like a cow.

    Kartof that is awesome!

  • 12we45ty

    February 3, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Directed by M Nite Shyamalan

  • videogamer945

    March 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    @Black Francis
    shut up, if you don’t want to click it, then don’t. He puts this stuff up because the if the fans want to see it, then they can, but it’s not at the forefront of his work. It’s merely in the periphery.

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