AVGN: Milon’s Secret Castle

Mike Matei / January 27th, 2009


  • -RT

    April 19, 2010 at 2:16 am

    Damn. Simon’s Quest is less cryptic than this.

  • TheValsalvaManeuver

    April 24, 2010 at 1:37 am

    Apparently, according to Wikipedia, the 16-bit sequel to Milon’s Secret Asshole was released for the Wii Virtual Console in North America, but NOT translated to English. So I guess if the game wasn’t cryptic enough already, you can roll yourself some Japanese SNES shit-sushi.

    • deniii

      February 4, 2016 at 3:12 pm

      The 16bit version is just a regular platformer like Mario. There’s no cryptic stuff

  • defgav

    April 28, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Great review. I embarrassingly must admit that I run a little fansite for this game, though I can’t really argue with the shitty aspects you point out. If anybody is interested in playing through the game without being confused what to do, I’ve got a handy walkthrough on my site. http://defgav.com/nes/msc/

  • May 17, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    I own this game. It is like a puzzle game. You have to find Secret’s all over the game. It is hard but the longer you play it you get more used to it.

  • May 20, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    OMG! I remember this game : it was the favorite game of my ex! I should have known right there something was wrong!

    I like “puzzle” games, but this is ridiculous…

  • Zerro

    May 21, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    I might have to disagree with you on this one, James (sorry man) At first I guess the game is very cryptic, confusing, and impossible. I don’t know how I managed to get through, I don’t remember reading about it in Nintendo Power. But once you figure out what’s going on, it makes for a good challenging game to play. I never did beat it when I was a kid. Also fucked up on the continue thing near the end and some of the bosses become tough.

  • iamspider

    May 23, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Gotta love how the box boasts “Over 3/4 million copies sold.” I’m not going to lie to you; that there is one impressive accomplishment.

    • deniii

      February 4, 2016 at 3:13 pm

      I got a good laugh with your comment. To the top with you

  • TJ Crucial

    June 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    Jesus, that Hudson Soft bee still gives me the chills just as much as the LJN rainbow does.

  • Overlord9015

    June 13, 2010 at 10:38 am

    There’s a version for the Gameboy. I think it’s the same game, but the ending is OVER 9000 times better

  • June 20, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    this princess can go fuck herself.

  • volt28

    July 17, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Hey why would only girls want to shoot bubbles at shit?? Fuck bubbles

  • volt28

    July 26, 2010 at 3:11 am

    Okay I bought the game in the wii shop………..and I kind of like it. I keep dying though. Your review is correct on all the short comeings of this game. Oh and I would like to add the enemys are to fucking hard and I hate that they respawn. Fuck respawning enemys

  • luigi112344

    July 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    What about the gameboy version i have it and i think it’s pretty interesting

  • September 10, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    “The whole game is based on secrets.” Well, who the fuck would’ve guessed that. I mean, the title doesn’t suggest that it has anything to do with secrets at all. Seriously, WHO THE FUCK WOULD’VE FIGURED THIS GAME HAD… SECRETSSSSSS???????

    • bib tomke

      January 23, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      But…”there’s a difference between secrets and JUST FUCKIN IMPOSSIBLE!!! FUCK THIS GAME!!!”

  • phoenix252005

    October 6, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    This game is whack! Viva La Nerd!!

  • phoenix252005

    October 22, 2010 at 1:48 am

    Yeah this game is pissin me off and Im only watching it bein played!! FUCK!!!

  • SpeedyEric

    October 25, 2010 at 11:23 am

    “It’s not Mario, or Mega Man, or MIchael Jackson.” XD

    This game is possibly the most difficult in a sissy way of the entire NES library. Hopefully, you won’t review Barbie, another sissy NES game.

    • sage_terriblegames

      November 25, 2011 at 5:57 am

      Too late, he already did. He showed it at the end at his special where he showed how he made his avgn episodes.

  • Analbag Thats Me

    December 5, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Anyone know the name of the medieval knight game at 0:39-0:40? I used to play that when I was a kid at my friend’s place and don’t remember what it is but I’d like to buy it.

  • January 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm


  • the german fan

    February 25, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Have you ever played Myst 5?
    That game is even more cryptic than this.

  • ForgottenSoul

    August 7, 2011 at 10:23 am


  • lenny872

    September 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Whats your problem james thats not even the right awnser to that equasion and your supposed too be a nerd and it actually 1420

    • imperialbek

      November 17, 2011 at 12:25 am

      1440 actually.

    • the_pieman

      March 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      Not counting having to shoot the constantly respawning enemies.

    • JordS68

      March 31, 2012 at 5:59 pm

      His name isn’t “The Angry Math Nerd”

    • The Kaleidoscopic God

      January 11, 2015 at 9:30 pm

      He’s counting both of the rooms you need to go through before you can progress, each amounting to 1440 spaces. Note the “X 2 ROOMS” in his equation. Fucking smartasses.

  • MudBone

    September 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    there’s arrow made out of windows pointing to where the door is suppose to beee

  • DerekStrickland

    September 23, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I remember playing this game as a kid and loving the colors and such–I never got far, and played the first level like fifty times XD

  • sage_terriblegames

    November 25, 2011 at 5:56 am

    I like to throw bubbles at mini creatures. how about you guys?

    • legend killer

      February 14, 2012 at 5:49 am

      Nah that sucks money crap. @sage_terriblegames

  • CameronBurge

    December 6, 2011 at 9:59 am

    I owned this game as a kid and beat it without help. It drove me crazy, and I still remember when I first found the secret shop. The fire room pissed me off so much I could barely stand it. It took forever to beat it, but back then I didn’t know other gamers or have magazines or the internet to turn to. It was just me, the controller and motherfucking Milon.

  • drill sargeant 75

    December 28, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    i found this on wii market and i could not belive it!!!!!

  • R64

    January 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Honestly, this is the one review I’m not 100% behind avgn about. I liked the game, but don’t disagree that it’s hard as duke nukem’s balls

  • superteentranny

    January 23, 2012 at 4:02 am

    that game looks so frustration

  • JaysonGeronca

    January 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    They say this is a good but really tough game. It’s like Ipad NBA 2k12.

    Hey guys, check out “X-Men-A-Thon Part 1: X-Men Movie Review”

    @ G-Jays Productions!

    More movie reviews and DVD’s @ http://g-jays.blogspot.com/2012/01/x-men-thon-part-1.html

  • JaysonGeronca

    February 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    G-JAYS Game Zone ! – “Your online shopping center”

    Xbox Live Gold Membership (12 months), Wii, Xbox, PS3, PC, Kinect, and games for all consoles now available at G-Jays.

    “Top 10 Video Games of All Time” also available, Visit us at http://g-jays.blogspot.com/2012/02/g-jays-gameone.html

  • Diogo

    February 11, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    what is the game that apears in 27 secs of the video? (a ship shotting at stuff) i used to have that game but i forgot its name.

    • wariofan14

      March 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

       @Diogo I believe it’s called Fantasy Zone.

      • Diogo

        April 1, 2012 at 7:26 am

         @wariofan14 thank you SO VERY MUCH

  • scabby

    April 19, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Oh wow. This is a blast from the past. I definitely remember borrowing this game from a friend back in like 1989-90. Kind of quirky and under the radar, but I definitely thought it had potential. Then again, I don’t remember getting to the first boss, for the reasons James outlines.

  • Virtual Vernon

    December 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    I actually really enjoyed this game as a kid, it reminded me of Zelda because everything was a hidden strategy. Anyways there is a way to continue with all your items and health. When you die, hold left, and press start at the title screen. Most likely you’ll be doing this often enjoy!

  • jlevendoski

    December 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    What’s hilarious is that Milon’s Secret Castle and Simon’s Quest were the two games I absolutely loved as a child. I loved playing for hours and finally figuring something out. Still love AVGN!

  • June 10, 2013 at 12:08 am

    “Milon’s Shitty Asshole” for the NES!! What a fucking terrible game!! And it was re-released on the Wii Virtual Console!! Huzzah!!

  • Slyjay

    June 21, 2013 at 3:49 am

    I liked the game when I was a kid

  • Kuuenbu

    October 22, 2013 at 8:19 pm



    December 16, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    “More like Milon’s shitty asshole” LOL

  • GrahfMetal

    January 10, 2014 at 12:54 am

    I just noticed that the opening sequence shows a split-second long clip of Crystalis. That’s my favorite NES game and one of my all time favorite games 🙁
    Oh well, it’s not the first time James accidentally slipped a great game into an AVGN opening sequence, lol.

  • Breeze Dorling

    April 29, 2014 at 2:31 am


  • RingToss

    September 28, 2015 at 3:36 am

    I registered on this website just to say how hilarious James’ videos are. It’s genius.

Leave a Reply

James’ favorites