Episode #5 Post Office Pens

Mike Matei / June 17th, 2007


  • Shadow

    April 9, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Wow, if banks giving pens out for free is the standard, the banks around where I live are fkin broke! they have about only 6-8 pens, and they’re ALL stuck to the thing the post office uses.

  • April 19, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    I wonder how many people have actually done what the bullshit man suggested. Yeah, I never understood the pen on a chain. I’ve seen it at some banks, but usually it is just the post office.

  • mandatoryRegistration

    May 17, 2010 at 3:04 pm


  • Not Mike Matei

    June 4, 2010 at 2:33 am

    The post office is so poor, they can only afford one pen


  • Leo619

    June 9, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    some banks do that to
    i get so worked up because 1 guy in front of me is almost done then hes like o crap i messed up

  • Leo619

    June 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    so he gets a new paper than when hes done with the pen i get to use it and guess what its out of ink

  • skitchman

    June 19, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Yes, I totally see your point! It’s the same here in Sweden! James, you’re the real shit (in a good way)!

  • Microrazor1911

    July 6, 2010 at 8:35 am

    James please go to the BANK and get all their pens then go to the post office front desk and give them the pens.


  • mcmikec84

    July 30, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    true, one time i took a dump undernearth my bank, in the parking lot. i would at the post office, but i think that kinda thing would be a felony…. FUCK the post office…

  • Mr. K

    August 27, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    And when the chain pen is dead, the postmen behind the counter don’t want to let you use their pen, like they can’t afford to buy another one.

  • September 5, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    haha i did what the bullshit man said to do! lol

  • Steam123

    September 8, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    LOL my thoery:

    Bank = starts with a letter B for Billionaire

    Post office(P.O) = P.O; first 2 letters of the word Poor

    thats my guess…

  • jasondixon360

    September 20, 2010 at 9:34 am

    There’s more bullshit to the Post Office than just pens!

  • Schloss Ritter

    October 2, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    The post office can’t afford more than one pen, while they’re losing billions a year.

  • gamegirl99

    October 10, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    I know, right? I got stuck in that line for twenty minutes before my grandma cut to the front, grabbed a pen from her purse, signed what she needed to, and was on her way. My effing grandma! XD

  • GunParade

    October 13, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    What’s even better is when they’re too fucking cheap to buy the chain, and they opt to tape a plastic spoon to the pen, like that’s gonna stop anyone from taking it.

  • November 26, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    The pen at my local California Tortilla is stupid. It has a huge and thick (and I mean huge and thick) chain connecting it to the counter. Seriously? Do they think that losing a pen is such a problem?

  • The gamer

    November 29, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Its bullshit. You are waiting in a line like two hours and when is your turn the guy says you need to sign this papers and the pen is on the other side of the building, so you go wait in line and when its your turn the pen is out of ink. Its BULLSHIT!!!

  • Mad Hatter

    February 5, 2011 at 6:48 pm


  • narfun

    April 17, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    free pens is the reason for lehmann brothers crack

  • fcabanski

    May 21, 2011 at 4:38 am

    I bet there have been some accidents with those pen chains. Some kid gets strangled, or someone jumps on the counter, trips on the chain, hits his head on the floor and dies.

  • Haisman03

    May 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Hahahaha, why are they so cheap? Another great episode, James!

  • KilgoreTrout

    July 12, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    I’ve gone to the bank reached for their pen on a wire, it was out of ink. Grabbed for the other one…nope somebody ripped the damn thing out.

  • swedenboy

    July 24, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    lol here the bank dosent have free pens without a string that u can take xD they are stuck to a short metalstring at the desks and i think that is the same deal at the postoffice xD maybe we have a higher pen-stealing problem here in sweden and a shortage of pens lol idk xD

  • PhilipHanan

    September 18, 2011 at 12:35 am

    You know why the USPS only has one pen? Because no one uses them any more. The Post Office is going broke because people don’t send mail written in pen any more. Next time you complain about pens, start using one to write a letter or pay that bill off with a check and use your local Post Office.

    • cason917

      September 21, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      yeah but postage stamps and other stuff like that honestly its cheaper to just use internet and faster plus my mail service sucks anyway because if someone sends a package it always mysteriously disappears

  • Jokeroffate

    October 11, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    I did that at my Post Office, next day… only one pen again.

  • Riddler

    October 20, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    THey cut the chains off our bank and post office pens, so i always end up walking out with one. Bring back chains! Wate less money on people stealing pens!

  • chrisnigelholmes

    November 23, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    you know whats bullshit, watching a great video of james only to be disappointed that the shitty advert you have to watch before over and over again is twie as long

  • chrisnigelholmes

    November 23, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    twice as long

  • TylerCox

    December 13, 2011 at 7:54 am

    chuck norris is a hunter but chuck norris does not hunt hunting would imply the possability of failure “im chuck norris and i aprove this game

  • bigpike54

    December 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    You know whats bullshit? Seeing so many World of Warcraft ads over the damn internet. Thats bullshit.


    January 1, 2012 at 3:08 am

    True bullshit. Is standing in a long line at McDonalds for 20 minutes,, staring at the menu, all along, and knowing exactly what you want,,, patiently waiting for your turn to order.

    …..then the lady who get’s her turn in front of you walks up to the cashier, and says,, “Well,, let me see?,, I’m not sure,, I think I would like a… I dunno, maybe I changed my mind. No, I’ll think I’ll have a……”

    WHAT? That’s when she decides to look at the menu, and decide?!!!

    After standing in line for forever!!!

    Like she hasn’t decided yet? Not till it’s her fricking turn? She then asks a million stupid questions, then when she gets her bag of steaming shit, she has to stop, and look in it, holding you up even longer,,,, then she asks for more ketchup, or jelly, or whatever?

    Same thing, if you’re just trying to run into a 7-11, grab a 6 pack of beer, and haul ass. There’s always some kinda idiot in front of you, who’s trying to pick a million different lottery tickets saying the same thing, thinking, and pondering.

    “Well,, let me see?,, I’m not sure,, I think I would like a… I dunno, maybe I changed my mind. No, I’ll think I’ll have a……”

  • SONofTheASS

    January 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    i actually did what he told me to. the postman laughed because he apperently watches cinemassacre alot, and gave me a free stamp sheet (though i had to leave the pens there)

  • January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    My local Wells Fargo (Wachovia) has one pen attached to a chain of balls. OH and my post office has the exact opposite I believe.

  • MegamanXZero

    February 23, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I actually gave my local post office bank pens and I said “here keep these pens because the bullshit man said so. XD Everyone thought I was crazy!

  • jrhall3

    March 17, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    this one actually has a totally rational explanation: The bank already has your money, so they can afford to waste it on pens.

  • Vontux

    May 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Don’t you people pay any attention to the news? The USPS is nearly broke. They’ve been cutting back service hours and even thought about closing thousands of locations. You know what is really bullshit? People are so cheap they expect everyone else to provide them with pens to use.

  • binaryfruit

    June 17, 2012 at 7:05 pm


    One ball attached to a chain of pens?

  • mikemonmouth

    September 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

    hey hey hey hey fuck you guys, i’m a mailman lol. and fuck the banks, they give away pens b/c they stole our money with the bailout…ok anyway, james i love it lol

  • March 20, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Oh my god! I got an ad on the side…. for a pen!

  • gominam895

    October 2, 2013 at 3:20 am

    James, you made my day 🙂

  • October 27, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    Ha… Somebody broke the chain, and stole the only pen at my PO. Now I have take my own pen with me.

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  • Mick

    August 8, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    Do this one again–Bullshit Revisited!–and see what the pen situation is with most people banking online and using post office alternatives. Bet they still have the same pen from ’07 on the table:)

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