You Know What’s Bullshit!? – Public Bathrooms

Mike Matei / November 26th, 2014

You Know What’s Bullshit!? – Public Bathrooms – Episode 29

This episode deals with the technical obstacle course of public bathrooms.

Comments

  • November 26, 2014 at 12:06 am

    Sweet!

  • November 26, 2014 at 12:07 am

    lol

  • metalaoraor

    November 26, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Good to see more of these

  • Joey Desrochers

    November 26, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Totally agree with you on that one, James! Once again, great vid! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Xen11

    November 26, 2014 at 12:34 am

    Oh man. There’s so much more that can be said about public bathrooms.

    How about having to touch door handles after washing your hands? You’re usually going to have used paper towels on the floor when I’m done because I need paper towels to open the door to get out then I have to hold the door with my foot and then try to throw the paper towel to the trash can that’s “conveniently” way across the bathroom. So it becomes a basketball throw that I’ll always miss because its a fucking paper towel so it floats midair and lands on the ground. Oh well, that’s what you get with a shitty design.

    How about when you absolutely have to take a shit in a public bathroom. What a fucking nightmare! Why are the bathrooms so fucking quiet? They should have some loud fucking noise to cover the sounds of shit. And more privacy would be nice whether I’m using a toilet or those crappy urinals.

    And what’s with the really bad bathrooms that have shit everywhere. There’s shit everywhere. There’s shit on the walls, there’s shit on the mirrors, there’s shit on the ceiling. What the fuck happened? When I see those bathrooms, I usually risk getting jailed and just piss in some discreet area that is probably a trap to where they can say I was masturbating with some conveniently placed children’s clothes catalog placed right near the scene.

    Public bathrooms are fucking nightmares.

    • ToadRoad

      November 26, 2014 at 1:27 am

      I’m totally with you on the quiet. I was at a country club once and they had this waterfall fountain in the bathroom that was not only soothing, but masked the audible signs of dumping. People’s explosive wet fat noises are gross enough, but what really disturbs me are the guys who are breathing really deeply and heavily continuously through their shit like they’re giving birth. I don’t want to listen to someone’s struggle with their sphincter.

      • Xen11

        November 26, 2014 at 7:21 am

        Ha, its funny you mention that. I was just at a movie theater where a guy rushes in to the big long super quiet bathroom and just starts grunting like a pedophile who just found a little kid in a church confession booth. I was just thinking, ‘wow, good for him, he has no shame’. There’s no way I’d be that brave to show off my grunting skills if I needed to make sounds like that while on the toilet.

      • Don Skiver

        November 26, 2014 at 10:37 pm

        And then you have those weird fuckers that decide to START FUCKING TALKING TO YOU WHILE YOU’RE TRYING TO PISS OR SHIT!!! I don’t know about you, but whenever someone starts talking to ME while taking a shit, my sphincter puckers up so tight that diamonds can form up there.

    • mysterywolf

      December 20, 2014 at 2:02 am

      This is coming from someone that has to clean public bathrooms regularly.

      It’s near impossible to control the cleanliness of the place. You could clean it up spotless and then five minutes later someone comes in and vomits all over. (Yes, this happened.) or you just punch in for work and there’s shit all over the place. (Again, yes this happened.)

      Do wish we had something to help get rid of the noise of everyone else crapping, or at the very least, something that helps get rid of the scent better than the crap we currently use. (You know those scented things shaped like a lamp? That’s what we have. Two of them.)

  • JohnnyV234

    November 26, 2014 at 12:53 am

    I was expecting you to mention all the urinal shapes and sizes too! Some of the designs drive me crazy where you almost can’t help touching your pants on the sides. I don’t believe I have ever seen a public bathroom with a toilet next to a urinal with no stall around it, where was that?

  • GameCom

    November 26, 2014 at 1:05 am

    Haha, that was great!

  • ToadRoad

    November 26, 2014 at 1:22 am

    I really enjoyed all the new YKWB? episodes so far, but it feels like they’re not as comprehensive as the old ones. The “Words” one got the point across with lots of examples, but the “Hotels” and “Bathroom” ones leave the viewer expecting you to address so many more of their obvious flaws. For example, what about stall doors with broken locks that you have to keep closed with an extended foot while taking a shit? The inexplicable piss puddles. People knocking on the door when it’s locked….either someone’s in there and you can’t go in until they’re done, or it got locked accidentally and you can’t go in anyway. There’s no point in knocking other than to rush someone’s anal evacuation for your own selfish gain. I wholeheartedly agree with al the stuff you did mention.

  • Excruciate

    November 26, 2014 at 2:30 am

    Especially when you find someone has beat their dick off all over the stall wall or wiped a bloody booger on it. Or piss all over the fucking toilet seat.

  • Nick3000

    November 26, 2014 at 4:08 am

    I’ve never used a public bathroom. If I know I’m going out somewhere, I will starve and dehydrate myself for the entire day before leaving. Public bathrooms are vile and disgusting. How can you live with yourself after touching a public sink or toilet? They’re filthy. The guy before you took a shit and touched the faucet to turn the water on before washing his hands. Think about that after you wash your hands and touch the faucet again to turn it off.

  • Keith S

    November 26, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Think you’ve got it bad? try coming to Japan…

    There’s the dreaded squat toilet where I always wonder if my trousers will survive the experience unsoilled.

    Not to mention the robotoilet 5000 types, with more buttons than my aircon, they play music while you go, and spray water and air at you after the job.

    • December 2, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      I’ve used those and they’re fine imo. Squatting is how humans were originally designed to shit (you’ll notice you get to dump your load easier once you get used to it.) and who doesn’t want to have a pleasant tune while you do number two? Plus they’re generally cleaner than American bathrooms. I hardly saw brown infested toilets when I was there, even on public train stations.

  • November 26, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Very nice and reletable episode! It seems public bathrooms are the same all around the world!

  • Wayne

    November 26, 2014 at 6:51 am

    He didn’t mention the other type of public restrooms, Porta-Potties, which are often used at concerts, festivals, and parks. He probably could do an entire episode on them. Just thinking about them generates gag-worthy images… the smell they give off and waste-overfilled bowl are absolutely disgusting.

  • Don Skiver

    November 26, 2014 at 7:03 am

    AMEN BROTHER JAMES!! Preach on!!

  • November 26, 2014 at 7:18 am

    Once again great episode. The thing about the toilet next to the urinal without a stall… unbelievable. I can’t even use urinals at all, I need my privacy, I’ve tried but I just can’t, nothing comes out!. I always use the toilet, I think I’ve used a urinal about 4-5 times in my life.

    • Xen11

      November 26, 2014 at 7:25 am

      Haha, I agree. You ever alone and think, “i’ll chance it and go so fast at this urinal that no one will walk in.” You start going and as soon as you start spraying, someone rushes in like they’re a SWAT team raiding the place. You clench up and stop mid-piss saying to yourself, “Welp, I’m done.”

      I just don’t understand having urinals without dividers too.

  • taykel

    November 26, 2014 at 7:44 am

    Another good episode! I know exactly what you are talking about. The toilet’s automatically flushing, the lack of paper towels, the sinks. I went through those before. The worst I’ve experienced is when I find a toilet that isn’t even flushed and as a woman it really grosses me out. Flush the damn toilet! I don’t wanna see someone else’s business!

  • Joker83

    November 26, 2014 at 9:42 am

    This is awesome! Did you just film every public restroom you went in for like a year? Lol awesome video. I lobby to have Cinemassacre videos playing over urinels instead of sports!!

  • CoindoorDave

    November 26, 2014 at 9:51 am

    My biggest complaint on public bathrooms – doors. When you exit, it should be PUSH…don’t give me a ‘kin handle to pull, God knows who or what just crapped in their hands and slathered that handle with all sorts of fecal bacteria. I just spent 10 minutes holding down the faucet handle with my forehead so the water would stay on, then used every Jedi hand trick known to get 4 inches on paper to dry my hands…and now I gotta grab some cock-tainted metal bar!?

    • jasonjrf

      November 26, 2014 at 10:34 am

      LMAO hahahaha soo funny

    • November 26, 2014 at 11:52 am

      They are made of silver so the bacteria and viruses can’t stay on it. (So not true lol)

  • Larry Hood

    November 26, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Amen. What else is bullshit is th large number of adult men who still piss all over the toilets ensuring noone can take a shit without catching Hep C. Sometimes theres poop smeared onto the back of the seat and WORSE, There are finger paintings of shit on the walls where some idiot didn’t use enough paper to wipe with, got it on their hand, and then wiped it onto the wall. Those people deserve a kick in the stomach.

  • unclerubbish

    November 26, 2014 at 10:24 am

    The only time

    • unclerubbish

      November 26, 2014 at 10:27 am

      The only time I ever saw a shitter next to a piss pot without a stall was in an Irish pub in Nice in the south of France. What really took the piss (no pun) was that the entrance to the ladies was inside the gents! So you pull your kecks down to take a shit and there are women walking straight past you within a foot. I bet that toilet has never seen a turd!!

  • jasonjrf

    November 26, 2014 at 10:32 am

    absolutely correct on this one

  • Rick

    November 26, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Sensing a theme to all this bullshit…

  • Supaflyguy

    November 26, 2014 at 10:59 am

    I have never seen so much truth.

  • JayRam

    November 26, 2014 at 11:06 am

    One of the things about public bathrooms that drive me fucking nuts is, when it has only one stall and some kid thought it would be funny to lock its door. You either have to crawl underneath the door (touching microscopic bateria in the process), or find another bathroom.

    Now, that’s Bullshit!

    • Xen11

      December 10, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      You could:

      Climb the stall (using paper towels where your hands would touch the top of the walls.

      Line the whole ground with plenty of paper towels, THEN crawl under.

      Kick the fucking door down.

      Always carry latex gloves with you.

  • November 26, 2014 at 11:49 am

    At least they are clean. Come to Balkans, where you get NO toilet paper, piss soaked WET seats, NO hot water, NO dryers or sometimes even hand paper. The only thing you get is 16 middle aged bums who are pissing at the same time and are looking at you weird. You know what’s bullshit? I would not be so sure. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • November 26, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Youยดre so right on this, great video!

  • CrushingC10996WM

    November 26, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I like the last minute sport comment

  • November 26, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    One thing I hate is when there’s a stall with a toilet inside, but then there’s these giant gaps on the left and right sides of the door. You try to drop a deuce feeling like you have a sense of privacy, but anyone can easily look inside. Even worse is when the stall is facing the flow of foot traffic, so you’re stuck sitting there watching everyone walk in and out. I remember we had stalls like these in grade school and there would always be some bully whom felt it was his job to press his face against the gaps, look inside and laugh at anyone trying to make a poop. It traumatized me for life. Now that’s bullshit.

    • ToadRoad

      November 26, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      Something similar to that… I’ve encountered it rarely, but sometimes the stall doors are really short. Meaning if someone tall comes in to piss at the urinal next to you, their head towers over the stall wall and they can look down on you, both literally and figuratively.

  • CrushingC10996WM

    November 26, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Public Bathrooms are the worst. If I may paraphrase a quote from that episode about the ones you have o pay to use, you might as well go back to the wild

  • greedo

    November 26, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Strange, I had written a comment, but it gave me a “you have already written that comment” message, and then disappeared. Oh, well!

  • Deathbringer

    November 26, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    The intro attacking my right ear is bullshit.

  • Bailey Brovont

    November 26, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    somedays you just can’t get rid of a bomb

  • windrammingroadkillskunk

    November 26, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    I fucking hate motion-control faucets and paper towel dispensers and push-down faucets. Great episode.

  • patlefort

    November 26, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    Finally someone calls the bullshit on motion controlled faucets. They always shut off before you are done.

  • Jimmy Reed

    November 26, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    The motion-detected faucets remind me of the Power Glove

  • WyldeGoose

    November 26, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    This is why I rather enjoyed driving around Germany. They got rest stops where there is an attendant on hand, and you’re supposed to tip them. While most Americans might not like the idea of tipping a bathroom attendant, I was glad to do it, and very generous. I would give out 10 Euro notes to tip the attendants (most; sometimes I didn’t have bills, just coins, but I gave it up), and I was happy to do it just because they kept the bathrooms clean and functioning.

  • Entrenaturaleza

    November 26, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    so true =)

  • Mindseye

    November 26, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    Right on the money bud.

  • marclawson

    November 26, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    I wonder why colds spread? Maybe because the bathrooms don’t let us wash our fucken hands. I’m surprised you didn’t mention the soaps. Sometimes there’s like a nasty smelling powdered soap or a tiny useless spittle of soap foam. Or worse yet no soap at all and you have to bother people to tell them they need more soap.

  • pitythefool

    November 27, 2014 at 3:50 am

    I didn’t read over all the comments, but something else he left out was not having dividers between urinals and friggin dong troughs at baseball/football games.

  • fallout1312

    November 27, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Happy thanksgiving Cinemassacre! Loved this new bullshit video. your right James. Public bathrooms are bullshit. I hate when you sit down to take a shit and as soon as you to someone walks in lol….A lot of times I found myself holding till they leave to drop the mother load lol…Or when someone stank up the bathroom before you but you walk out and someone comes in right behind you. You all like IT WASN’T ME lol…too funny. Thanks for the video. Enjoyed it as always. God bless you guys. and have a happy thanksgiving.

  • November 27, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    I wish I could watch baseball in the john.

    Nerd doesn’t like sports?

    Baseball is for sophisticated folk ๐Ÿ™‚

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    November 27, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    And every urinal should have a wall between them. What are guys supposed to be jerking each other off? And ever go into a restroom and all of the sudden its the busiest place in town? A goddamn pee-party. Fuck that!

  • November 27, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    I have sensitive ears, and some toilets flush so loud it makes me jump into a panic! But I can’t cover my ears because I need to wash my hands! That’s BULLSHIT!

  • November 28, 2014 at 5:41 am

    i was in walmart a few weeks ago and walked into a bathroom stall and someone had shoved an entire rolls worth of toilet paper into the toilet and shit on top of it, and left it there.. it was fucking nasty,… now that’s bullshit..

  • Pablo1989

    November 28, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Yep that sinks what cant wash both hands at same time suck.ss!

    BTW About YKWB with hotel room, ive teen worked in hotel for 2 years as bellboy, and never seen messed staircase so much, just wonder how stars that hotel had?

    Less stars = big mess
    Ive worked on that with 3 stars, and starcase technicaly dont looks so bad.

  • November 28, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    You know whats bullshit ?
    No new AVGN episodes ๐Ÿ™

  • likalaruku

    November 29, 2014 at 3:26 am

    Worst public bathroom ever contenders:

    *Shopko: Only 1 bathroom stall even has a door, & it’s held up with duct tape.
    *Walmart: The doors just keep breaking off, & they’re maligned & the locks don’t reach, spits water onto the seat.
    *Bus stop bathroom: The heater never shuts off. Bake in your own stench.
    *Camp ground bathrooms: Flies, dead rats, spiders, flies, months, bees, mirror doesn’t reflect anything, never been cleaned ever….

  • pleasetakeabow

    November 29, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    LOL, Have you ever been at one of those sinks that have a sensor for the soap and while you are rinsing your hands the soap is dispensing all over your forearm. HAHAHA.

  • November 30, 2014 at 2:12 am

    this seem like another one of james re-revisits; like he forgot to add something else to the episode of “pay toilets”

  • December 5, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Holy crap it must suck where you live, James. The hotels suck, the water sucks, the bathrooms suck….

  • December 19, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    YAY! you know whats bullshit is back!

  • Cori Y

    December 31, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    So true!!

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