James / October 16th, 2012
Description: You Know What’s Bullshit!? Episode 26 – Vampires!
October 16, 2012 at 5:57 am
And i thought we’d seen the last of the bullshit man!
October 16, 2012 at 5:58 am
Only thing that’s a bigger pussy than your traditional vampire? Twilight vampires, of course….
October 16, 2012 at 6:10 am
I’m also really enjoying the MM 80′s-A-Thon.
Thanks James and Mike.
October 16, 2012 at 6:29 am
I must admit I didn’t liked the last few eps of Bullshit, but I really liked this one, was great
October 16, 2012 at 6:56 am
How about Alucard on HELLSING (Japanese comic written by Kohta Hirano)?
October 16, 2012 at 7:10 am
LOL!! Nice episode, never realized vampires has so many weakness haha
October 16, 2012 at 7:41 am
I’m a zombie guy anyway..
October 16, 2012 at 8:27 am
It’s true that vampires do come out as pussies, but that’s if you just count the weaknesses, which there are a lot. Vampires are agile, powerful, intelligent, cunning, can shapeshift, control other beings including humans and werewolfs, their victims become ghouls like an army for them that can also use guns. And in a manga called Hellsing(which is definitely the best vampire story ever) the vampires take the blood of their victims inside of them, like the victim lives inside the vampire. If vampire takes 10 lifes he now has 10 lifes. Alucard, the main character at one point releases hundreds of thousands of humans that were trapped inside of him to kill his enemies, and when they’re inside of him, no matter what anyone does to him he’s basically invinsible because of so many lifes.
October 16, 2012 at 8:53 am
Awesome! Great job, Mr. BS Man, but you forgot a few:
Whips – Vampires hate whips. Especially spikey whips. Ouch.
Boomerangs – Holy shit, do they hate boomerangs. Especially cross shaped ones that come in threes. Not nice at all.
But, they are immune to magical stopwatches. Might stop a bat or Medusa, but try one on a vampire and they’ll just fucking laugh at you. Dumbass. ^_^
October 16, 2012 at 8:58 am
Best Bullshit episode ever. Absolutely fantastic
October 16, 2012 at 9:11 am
Great episode, especially during Halloween!
October 16, 2012 at 10:06 am
That was soo good. I was happy to see you remembered to put the running water one in there. You know your vampires, James.
October 16, 2012 at 10:07 am
@Stebsis not sure what u talking about lives becoming him, all most his abilities are vampire skills u know the sick scenes u see with eyes and stuff that’s just Alucard’s (dracula’s who is really) illusion skills its what we see he does to his attacker to f him up he doesn’t really turn into that stuff, but i agree he strongest vampire in long time but he weak to Silver but has to do religion hellsing was concept taken from Dracula 2000, why his master is female, silver hurts him because it was money Judius got for ratting out Jesus.
October 16, 2012 at 10:08 am
Best one since Temperature! Awesome!
October 16, 2012 at 10:47 am
I don’t know if you or Mike know this, most likely you do given your love of horror and monsters so this is more or less for the people on here who don’t know lol, but the silver myth is more of a pure thing vs a non pure being.
Because Vampires and Werewolves are tainted and unpure something pure like silver harms them.
The reason why it’s silver is just because it was the purest metal during that era that can be made into weapons.
October 16, 2012 at 11:21 am
This was actualy fantastic, legit and funny topic to rage about! The only thing I’d love is a source for each of these weaknesses. Or it could be a great trivia game to guess them all. Many of them I know from your rundown of Hammer Dracula movies last year.
October 16, 2012 at 11:35 am
That’s true. But ironically, those Twilight “vampires” are less vulnerable than the classic ones.
October 16, 2012 at 11:53 am
Is James not going to use the bullshit mask anymore? I know a lot of people didn’t like it because it slightly muffles his voice, but I liked it. It fit his character the bullshit man whose face is Bullshit!
October 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm
There’s another old myth similar to the seed counting that suggests vampires are so OCD that they feel the need to undo any knots they come across, so I suppose you could just leave a shitload of knotted kitestring hanging from your trees at night and they would stay out there until sunrise trying to unfuck it all.
October 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm
@kyotheman Have you actually read the Hellsing manga? The Hellsing anime, which is based on the manga, takes lots of liberties and I haven’t seen it but heard it’s way worse than manga or Hellsing Ultimate anime which follows the manga closely. Near the end of manga Alucard releases everyone who he has ever bitten in the streets of London, they make it very clear that blood is like currency of life, it transmits to anyone who takes it basically. And silver didn’t hurt Alucard in manga, I don’t think they ever even used it against him, nor does sunlight, it’s just like mild inconvenience for him. In the end we even see couple of the enemies he killed before, like Luke Valentine and one of the werewolfs, coming “back to life” as Alucard releases everyone inside of him,
October 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm
That one was great, James! Really enjoyed it, as I do the Monster Madness 80′s-athon. Way to get into Halloween mood!
October 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm
yeah i agree about alucard.. he has been decapitated, stabed with wood silver crusifixes shot by an vampire superhuman nazi army with automatic weabons, attacked by 200 x´zombies fought agains demon from hell with granate launcher, so hes been pretty much tryed been killed by every weapon and being that is.. exept nuclear bomb.. thous i doubt if they would nuke him that he would die.. just come back more angry and deadlier
October 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Remilia Scarlet is also weak to a shitload of amulets or spark bullets. I like that she respects Dracula and insists that is a descendant of Vlad Tepes, when she’s probably not.
October 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm
That was the best episode in a very long time! Nice to see you guys went back to the classic style with the illustrations. I much prefer it this way.
October 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Why is your vampire blue?
October 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Jeez reposting all the old 80′s monster madness reviews, posting band new reviews for 80′s-a-thon Even The ‘BullShit Man’ is getting into the act! Mike and James are realy overdelivering this season! Killer job guys!
October 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm
@Czab Nosferatu maybe?
October 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm
No BullShit mask??…Now thats BULLSHIT!!!
October 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I thought this was gonna be a slam against twilight.
OT: I’ve often thought that the whole garlic thing was a fake rumor put out by vampires.
Think of it… the smell makes you easier to find in the dark and the eating of garlic helps to improve your blood flow.
October 16, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I vant to suck your blood! BLUH! BLUH! oooooooohhoohohooo!!!!!!!!
October 16, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I gotta give it to Mike, I loved the illustrations in this one.
October 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm
HAHAHA!! Very True Never looked at it that way. Too many ways of killing a vampire
October 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I’m surprised you didn’t go into the Twilight vampires, though I find it hard to believe that they even qualify
October 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm
You finally got rid of the dumb bullshit mask and went back to the old voice over style! THANK YOU JAMES! This is the best bullshit video yet, and it was actually funny. I know James loves vampires so I wondered how you were gonna find something wrong with them, but you did, I loved it. Keep it this way, much better! Thanks again!
October 16, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Yeah, that is bullshit! What else sucks it that not all of those rules apply. In Hammer’s “Twins Of Evil”, Count Karnstein boasts that fire will not kill vampires, and in another Hammer flick called “Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter”, the vampires could move around in the day time and feed off of their victims age, and turn them old.
Great video guys!
October 16, 2012 at 7:41 pm
Actually the werewolves being weak to silver, wasn’t even something that was originally part of their mythos.
This feature does not appear in stories about werewolves before the 19th century (the claim that the Beast of Gévaudan, an 18th-century wolf or wolf-like creature, was shot by a silver bullet appears to have been introduced by novelists retelling the story from 1935 onwards and not in earlier versions).
Traditionally, Wolfsbane is their only real “weakness”. Though unlike vampires, most werewolf legends had it where a werewolf, could simply be exorcised out of a person, like a demon.
October 16, 2012 at 7:47 pm
That was the best YKWBS in a very long time. Very GREAT use of Mike’s artwork cannot be stressed enough. Both Mike and James’s efforts in this go hand-in-hand in making them so excellent.
October 16, 2012 at 8:13 pm
I agree with Zantara. My favorite two YKWBS episodes so far are this one and the feeding birds one, and both heavily featured Mike’s awesome artwork.
October 16, 2012 at 9:45 pm
If you think about it the Twilight vampires have none of these weaknesses: garlick doesn’t repell them, religious stuff like crucfixes and holy water doesn’t work, not to mention regular water, silver, wolfsbain, stakes, not inviting them in, nothing. Not even sunlight works, just the oposite, they begin to sparkle, like my little pony, just to tease you. Do you realise what that means? Twilight has the most badass vampires in history!!!
October 17, 2012 at 12:14 am
00:36 WTF? Why is there an armadillo hanging around Dracula’s coffin? Lol… I love Mike The illustrations to this episode are hilarious!!!!
October 17, 2012 at 12:16 am
No they don’t LorddPindar. They’re a punch of pussies.
October 17, 2012 at 12:19 am
In the Fright Night remake they got around that whole “you can’t come in unless your invited” bit. The vamp just destroyed the house! No home, nohting to keep him out.
Also a lot of those rules only apply to lesser vampires… true vampires (like the count, ect) are a lot harder to kill.
October 17, 2012 at 12:58 am
the rice comes from the Chinese hopping vampires. besides a magic scroll slapped onto the forehead of a vampire, sticky rice stops them (maybe) and can reverse you becoming a vampire if ‘yer bitten. so I guess this is a foreign derivative and can be excused as folklore… not REAL VAMPIRE LORE. whatever.
October 17, 2012 at 1:44 am
Lesser minions are in fact like so. I remember during Buffy there was the master vampire for the first two seasons and he wasn’t affected from the majority of things you said.
So, you can say that Count Dracula/Alucard is a lesser minion…sadly.
October 17, 2012 at 2:08 am
This is the best bull shit I have ever seen. Seriously great job on this one James.
October 17, 2012 at 2:34 am
@Czab, The Ghostbusters action figure of Dracula is blue and so is the vampire in Salems Lot. They are supposed to be dead,so it sort of makes sense and it just looks cool.
October 17, 2012 at 2:40 am
@Mariusz69, There’s an armadillo running around Dracula’s castle in the 1931 movie.
October 17, 2012 at 3:08 am
i was totally thinking this would be how vampires were bad ass but now since twilight they are not…but great video, and made me say “no shit, i didn’t think of that” by the end of it…good job
October 17, 2012 at 3:32 am
so, for all people complaining about Twilight…VAMPIRES STILLS BULLSHIT!!! just kiiding xd
October 17, 2012 at 3:55 am
I never realized all this shit could kill vampires. You must have been reading a lot of folklore to learn all this.
You reminded me of Radu from Subspecies when you mentioned the head getting cut off. He got his head cut off…only for it to reattach itself back to his body! He even cuts his fingers off to form little demons. Don’t know where the writers got that one.
October 17, 2012 at 3:56 am
I squealed, “BULLSHIT!!!” when I saw this. The only time you’ll ever hear me say bullshit in a happy way… lol
October 17, 2012 at 5:15 am
This is one of your best YKWB episodes.
My 2nd favorite now, right after the printer one.
October 17, 2012 at 11:42 am
So, vampires are complete wimps and apparently have A.D.D..
October 17, 2012 at 10:16 pm
@Paul Dower, Nosferatu was black & white.
October 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm
You Know What’s BULL-SH*T???
Price stickers on used books, movies, and CDs.
Ever have this happen to you: You buy that used movie or book and you want to get rid of that ugly price sticker slapped on the front cover. However, you can’t just pull it off like a band-aid, no, you have to pull it off slowly. Why? If you don’t you’ll rip the tag in half and have to start on the other side. Okay that’s frustrating, but does it end there, no. Those bastards aren’t going without a fight and it doesn’t take much for them to rip. So now your pulling a tag with the same caution you’d have to diffuse a bomb. It’s ridiculous, why are the stickers that strong I just want to remove it so they aren’t covering have the title. Why does it do that? Yet the WORST is when you pull a tag off and the sticky backing stays on, come on! If this happens you have rub it with your thumb or nail, but you never get if completely off, the outline of the tag is still there and the remaining adhesive collects dirt making a rectangle of dirt on the cover, but that’s not a rectangle of dirt its a load of BULL-SHIT!!
October 17, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Garlic. Its only there because it was the first anti vampire item there was. When people really believed in vampires they thought the smell would word them away.
October 18, 2012 at 12:27 am
Love it…the best bullshit episode in a while. I guess I enjoyed it so much because I always noticed vampires had a bunch of weaknesses too.
October 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm
The rice counting (never heard that one before) was probably a variation on old folklore where a deceased suspected of being a vampire would be burried with a long sequence of knots on ropes because vampires were believed to be obsessed with untying knots and that would keep them in their grave for eternity. A more obvious method was to lay them face down in the coffin and a spike between the torso and coffin lid in case they would try to wake they would get stabbed. My guess is there was a Association For Humane Treat of Vampires that lobbied against this gruesome act and just said “hey .. uhm … they like knots … just give them that and they’ll stay out of your business. No need to kill them.”
October 18, 2012 at 1:25 pm
they also got to untie knots dont forget that one!
October 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Hmm. Makes me think.
I’ve heard about alot of ways to kill vampires.
But I think no vampire is vulnerable to all the ways.
Just a few methods seem to have effects on all vampires, like sunlight.
I guess there different races of vampires.
the main split in vampire race would be the “old fashioned” evil spirit vampires, like Dracula and the more modern “biological allegeable” like Blade, where its caused by viruses or genetical mutations.
Off course the biological type is not effected by holy water or crosses.
Well I guess thats called “thinking to deep into it”
October 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm
i like the blade movie vampires silver sunlight kill them and garlic just mames them (i think) and to quote blade “crosses and running water don’t do dick so forget what you’ve seen in the movies. you use a stake silver or sunlight”
October 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm
My favorite vampires were for a homebrew D&D style game. They took all of the religion & magic out of it. Like Vampires are born & reproduce, they hate the sun because they are all albinos, they live in packs in the forests, sewers, caves, & ruins because they don’t look enough like Elves or Humans to blend in, & while they do drink the blood, they also eat the muscles. They’re notorious for attacking merchants & cattle, they can’t turn people into vampires, but their bite can spread a specific disease humans can’t deal with, their intelligence is on par with Ogres.
October 19, 2012 at 11:00 pm
before this video i only knew that fact about sunlight and garlic. how can people make this crazy shit up. it actually reminds me how people still believe in the stupid 2012 bullshit. i honestly wont be surprised if that comes up along how people used to believe in the y2k nonsense. its just saying that the earth has a doomsday device ready to be used.
October 20, 2012 at 3:54 am
James, am I to take this as an open denunciation of the Hammer film’s illogical treatment of the vampire lore? Hoping you’d see the light sooner…..
October 20, 2012 at 6:34 pm
This makes me remember about a thing I saw in the trailer for that new Fright Night movie that came out a while back. They were hiding from the vampire and thought they were safe because they were like “he can’t come in if he’s not invited”…so the vampire blows up the front of the house and goes “don’t need to be invited if there isn’t a house/front door (can’t remember which one he says)”…So that earned at least that vampire badass status for me. Course I never saw the actual movie so maybe they ruined him with a stupid weakness.
October 21, 2012 at 1:27 am
James, I loved this video. It’s the first one that I’ve been able to watch since you used that idiotic mask. Does this video mean that you’re not going to use the poop mask anymore ? I sure hope so, as I can’t stand it.
October 25, 2012 at 3:33 am
Did you get rid of the mask because people were complaining about it or just didn’t have time to film scenes wearing it? I actually quite enjoyed it, oh well.
Yeah, all these weaknesses are… WEAK. Especially the water one. How can they drink blood which is mostly water but be averted to water itself?! When I first found this out in the Legacy of Kain games I was dumbfounded and annoyed. I suppose they probably did it in the game to have more things to kill you, but still…
Oh, and thanks for not using this as a video to bitch about Twilight. I think that horse has been thoroughly beaten. People consantly harping on it constantly are almost annoying as the series and its fans themselves.
November 12, 2012 at 2:22 am
great that you dropped the stupid mask . In my opinion it makes the video’s look childish and …… well , wrong .
Best vid in a while !
November 16, 2012 at 11:20 pm
ah yes vampires. there were 3 obvious tales i know still growing up. those 3 happen to be sunlight, garlic, and the wooden stake. with all these crazy tales id hate to even be a vampire. itd make me wanna kill myself or better yet live myself. but dont get me wrong vampires are still cool even with all these crazy tales.
December 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Hey James. You should make a video about commercials that interrupt online videos?
December 3, 2012 at 12:11 am
Best one yet!
December 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm
YOU KNOW WHAT’S BULLSHIT?!
Google because they bought youtube and changed my user name into my real name now because the reason why is that these assholes want me to use my google account, these effing basters deserve to loose their rights on youtube pulse I think they might be remove anybody’s youtube videos right now, curse these dicks. Google is not just bullshit THEY’RE FREAKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!>:(
December 24, 2012 at 11:11 pm
YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUCKING BULL PISS COMING OUT OF A BUMS ASSHOLE!?
The fact that the ” Bullshit Man ” has not yet covered any current events. There’s so much damn bullshit in the world today. . . there’s so many videos that could be made.
December 24, 2012 at 11:42 pm
What are you eating ?
‘You throw away the outside,cook the inside,eat the outside,throw away the inside.
What are you eating ?
January 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Hi; nice job on the illustrations here. I really like this show, but I can’t believe there’s still no episode about the misuse of f… paper! Bills, insurances, taxes : there’s always at least one entire page for the logo or for explaining crap on a quarter. You go to the bank to open an account, you receive a whole file you’ll never read , and in almost every job, you always get more ink-crap about reglementation, reports and advertisement you don’t give a shit about. And at the university, teachers are always like crazy about printing stuff : “If you want to know more about it, here is… In case you’re bored, here’s something that could be interesting to read”. As we say in French “A bon entendeur, salut!”
January 14, 2013 at 8:13 pm
I can tell you where the garlic comes from: it’s because of called porphyria that largely contributed to the vampire myth. The symptoms of porphyria include: photosensitivity, shrinking of the gums (which would make the teeth look larger and more fang-like), bleeding from the gums, and an allergy to sulfur (and garlic contains a lot of sulfur compounds)
February 5, 2013 at 2:44 pm
What makes it even better is that James is a major horror movie/lit nerd, so he knows his stuff.
Now you wanna know what’s buuuuuuuuuuulshit? YouTube. Broken piece of crap that refuses to buffer right, loses videos like a sieve and makes you go through pages of troll crap just to find anyone talking about the fucking video. It’s an episode that’s been long overdue.
February 8, 2013 at 11:35 pm
i wonder if you would do a you know whats bs on werewolfs
March 1, 2013 at 7:06 pm
The garlic thing came up because garlic has blood cleaning ability. They use it for some special headache medicines too, but in the natural healing it was used for killing bacterias in your blood. I think that is way it was put together with vampires. It has something to do with the food of a vampire so he hates it… that is all…
March 7, 2013 at 2:10 am
Interesting to note is that “Wolfsbane” is actually a real plant commonly referred to as “Monkshood”. The roots of this plant are actually HIGHLY toxic and, when extracted, can be made into a poison that is lethal within seconds to a few minutes. It got the name Wolfsbane because shepherds would use it to poison spears and arrowtips to kill wolves that came for their livestock.
In other words, it’s a repellent for everything.
April 4, 2013 at 6:20 pm
vampires apparently have ocd
April 12, 2013 at 11:59 am
I’m ready for more BS.
May 22, 2013 at 2:22 am
May 22, 2013 at 3:24 am
Aw, no mask.
June 16, 2013 at 11:04 am
U know what’s bullshit?…….Baseball. Yeah, who came up with the idea anyway? Were cavemen throw’n rocks and a guy holding a log suddenly just hit the rock? I mean by now, humans have adapted to play baseball… but a long time ago hitting a ball with a thin ass stick sounded impossible! And what is it that kids can use metal bats but big league players can’t? I understand the kids use metal to help hit the ball harder… but what if a kid gets hit by the bat on accident? Would u rather get hit with a wooden bat, or a hard ass metal bat! I say that’s bullshit.
June 22, 2013 at 5:42 pm
suck it up.
July 11, 2013 at 3:15 am
Where did the seed idea come from? X-Files is the only time I’ve heard that one.
July 18, 2013 at 9:01 pm
Funny new series. I love it! didnt like the mask at first … But after watching 2 episodes … I Understand. Its halirious and fuxking awesome!
September 7, 2013 at 2:41 pm
YOU KNOW WHAT’S BULL S***! F*** AD
September 16, 2013 at 10:10 pm
I forgot how fucking brilliant this is! Awesome, good repost, laughing my ass off
October 2, 2013 at 11:48 am
Except for a very rare very hard to find short film called “The Boogeyman” on Stephen King’s Night Shift collection, an accurate portrayal of the Boogeyman has never been put to film. And believe me the first time I caught that Night Shift Boogeyman on TV one late night back in 1986, it scared me so bad I became scared of the dark and everything hidden in the dark, for many years and developed social anxiety. I found the VHS off of Amazon last year and watched it again, this time unedited, mind you I was 33 years old last year, still sent a cold chill down my spine and caused me to get paranoid about empty closets again and I lost my self control, buying too many movies filling up my closet with DVDs and now I’m broke.
My anxiety is still with me that the boogeyman could assume the form of any person any where and to this day I’m still petrified at meeting new people and making friends, leaving me an isolated virgin afraid to leave my parent’s house for anything at the age of 34.
Getting to the point, you think Vampires are getting a raw deal, the urban legend of the Boogeyman, a shapeless entity that is made of old trees and rotten compost, has never gotten any accurate film adaptations, except for that rare Stephen King short film that has scared me into not living life.
October 4, 2013 at 12:51 am
If we get enough positive feedback we will bring back the bullshit man.
October 9, 2013 at 10:14 pm
“So they can’t travel far, unless they have their own coffin with them.”
You mean a so-called “coffin to go”? Hahahahaha!
October 10, 2013 at 4:34 am
The last line always delivers.
November 6, 2013 at 2:49 pm
why why why … do I have to watch this god damn chevy ad every time I wonna watch a video on here once every other video ok but every damn video Christ shits annoying not to mention I cant stand bow tie products
November 24, 2013 at 9:59 pm
James. what happened to You Know What’s Bullshit? We haven’t had a episode in a while except for a cameo in Tiger Electronic Games.
You must be logged in to post a comment.