Cinemassacre Mailbag #3

James / April 22nd, 2012


  • adamday

    April 22, 2012 at 12:23 am

    I’m gonna ram the wind out of my woman the next time I fuck!!!

  • Chaindead

    April 22, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Live like a windrammer as you fuck!

  • lightwish

    April 22, 2012 at 12:52 am

    dont take a shit if you dont have to LMFAO and Live like a windrammer as you fuck PUT IT IN THE MOVIE PEOPLE WILL CRACK UP

  • rudy023

    April 22, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Don’t take a shit if you don’t have to James…..but if you do use ______ toilet paper. Now I need to find a company to sell this great toilet paper commercial idea to!

  • April 22, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Oh my god.. I laughed my ass off.

  • Feklhr2001

    April 22, 2012 at 3:04 am

    Hey guys

    i’m not from the states, more from over the sea.
    So could you explain, whats a “windrammer” is, please? I know the word “rim” in disgusting ways; even Urban Dictionary couldnt help me yet.

    Nether the less, funny mailbag, my tears spitted out of my eyes during the “windrammer”


  • Senna4ever

    April 22, 2012 at 3:10 am

    “Windrammer” does not mean anything.
    Just made up by that particular crazy person. Did you not read/hear the rest of the message?

  • dreperry

    April 22, 2012 at 3:21 am

    hey james i dont know if youll read this but i love your work and i think your really lucky to not only do something you love for a living but also have such good fans that love you, im an aspiring musician and i wish i could do what yo have done congrats, and if ya ever come tp canada for something post it cuz itd be awesome. cheers

  • livelikeawindrammerasyoufuck

    April 22, 2012 at 3:52 am

    holy shit.

  • King_

    April 22, 2012 at 3:58 am

    I find it hard to believe that he is really laughing……
    Altho it is kinda funny, but shit like that wont make a person burst out in laughter.

  • Luka1184

    April 22, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Well, I asked the guy at his blog what a “windrammer” is a long time ago. Hé replied, but didn’t say what it is. Instead hé talked about it, referrering to it as Dwindwammer instead. He says he’s a Korean.

    Here’s a poem someone made for him:

    By the way… I clearly remember this video already being posted on the actual site? And not just

    - Lukas

  • Luka1184

    April 22, 2012 at 4:06 am

    _King@ Then you haven’t seen some of the crazy shit hé laughed at. Also, I know a lot of people who do that too. But they have some kind of diagnosis too. I wouldn’t wonder if James actually told us one day that he had one too :)
    - Lukas

  • Santa Horse

    April 22, 2012 at 4:41 am

    King_ – I was laughing my head off at that. Don’t assume that just because YOU don’t react to something in a certain way that others won’t.

  • LordRandyx

    April 22, 2012 at 6:27 am

    3.23 you were laghing so hard that you turned red LOOOL

  • April 22, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Hi James. I don’t know when or how often you read these but i just want to say that without a couple of your video’s: The dragon in my dreams, and The making of an AVGN episode particularly, i would never have gotten the kick in the ass i was needing to go out and attempt to make my own movies…. thank you. If i ever got to meet you some day i’d like to shake your hand, and i hope one day that i would get the chance to collaborate with you on a film.

  • clovernuts

    April 22, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Wow. Thanks for making my Sunday rock! I owe you a sammich. Im glad your online giving us your kick-ass shows. Your like the nerd north star leading us through great nerd sea. Without you and Mike, I would truly be lost. I would be going in circles right now without your expert nerd guidance. Really though, thanks! Also, I just thought you might wanna know, since you like beer, just wanted to know if maybe you would do a beer tasting opinion on your show? Maybe give us your favorite brews. I personally like Killians. (even if I am an investor. lol) Maybe you could give your top ten? That is if you drink anything other than Rolling Rock! lol

  • RectalTerror

    April 22, 2012 at 8:38 am

    “I have to say I get a lot of really really nice emails, all the time”.. and I’m gonna bore you with them for the whole second half of the movie :)

    However, it’s amazing to have received a fan letter from ABOBO!
    Than man only takes shits when he has to. And he found a great title for your movie.

  • cloob1

    April 22, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I wonder if the guy that was talking about Bloomis was referring to the credits of Castlevania where the Kindergarden name switching was happening…

  • Bamahut

    April 22, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Gotta love the Google translator for shit and giggles!

  • blair85

    April 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Live like a windrammer as you fuck is far deeper than live long and prosper

  • RiffingReligion

    April 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    I always try to live like a windrammer when I fuck.

  • carbine125

    April 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I laughed my fucking ass off at that wind rammer bit jesus. Laughter is fucking infectious.

  • Kuhneghetz

    April 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I think the Bloomis part is a reference to a fad started from a youtube video made by Ukinojoe.
    That video is called “BLONIC”, btw.

    The windrammer part made my day! xD

  • ddt_Eagleeye

    April 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Somebody wrote “Conglaturation” in his mail. A coincidence?

  • NecroManiac

    April 22, 2012 at 7:09 pm

  • culwin

    April 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    I already saw this.
    I watched it with Dr. Bloomis.

  • likalaruku

    April 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Oh gawd, that bad grammar one had me in tears. Funniest thing I’ve heard since Spoony told us about an old D&D player’s custom manure golem.

  • likalaruku

    April 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Okay, so did someone use Babelfish? I’m going to write some crap….”Dear Mr. The Nerd, I enjoy your reviews. I love it when you say suck and take a shit on games & beat them with a hammer. Be righteous and party on dude.”

    Now I translate it to Japanese & back to English: “The person boring person who becomes love, I enjoy your examination. & of the game which I inhale, take; When it is saying every [wa], it loves that; Strike those of the hammer. Be a fairness, enjoy the party with the man.”

    Now let’s try that with Google Translate: “Dear Mr. geek, I enjoy your review. When I say beat them with hammers and shit of the game and take you suck, I love it. Is the party of justice and man. de.” Not quite as bad, but still bad.

  • likalaruku

    April 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Ah, well I guess there was a damning typo on my part. Where’s an edit button when you need one?

  • viJilance

    April 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    and see futures in balls, i laughed

    and live like windrammer HAHAHA I DIED

  • greedo

    April 22, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    I have to say, this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen on Cinemassacre. Ever. And the best part of it is, is that James didn’t even write it! He didn’t have to go far to find the humor; he just had to open his inbox! Just goes to show, that the best comedy is often unscripted.

  • Cactusblah

    April 23, 2012 at 1:24 am

    I had to make an account just to say this is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen on Cinemassacre. You should make the windrammer part into its own video and also upload it to Youtube. I loved seeing James nearly die of laughter and laughed along with him.

  • RecAlpha

    April 23, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Oh my god, I just fucking pissed myself at this.

    Live like a windrammer as you fuck.

  • rom hunter

    April 23, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Man, I haven’t laughed so much in a very long time.

    My stomage still hurts while typing this.

    “Live like a windhammer as you fuck”


    James, you made my day.

  • unts

    April 23, 2012 at 5:42 am

    To me FightHardStyle was hilarious but at the same time it did give good advice. I’m now starting to see futures in balls. Maybe I’ll also start fighting windrammer style.

  • videogamehunter820

    April 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I don’t get the Dr. Bloomis joke. Could someone explain it?

  • bigbug92

    April 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    We got Link found the Child T-Shirts, we can get “Live like a windhammer as you fuck” shirts no problem

  • videogamehunter820

    April 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    I also didn’t understand the bit with “futures in balls” and stuff (especially the last line of that message). What does it mean?

  • Rodrigo Esparza

    April 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Thanks man. Thanks.

  • Jezter

    April 24, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Ok… I had to create an account just so I could comment on this mailbag installment. That’s funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet in a long time, this had me in tears along with James. Keep up the good work guys, you’re awesome.

  • JCrazy

    April 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Oh man this was one of the funniest thing ever, great mailbag.

  • Trojan_Reggae

    April 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’ve seen all these Mailbags before. It was sometime between Dec. and Febishmarchuary.

  • zombislayerpwnsnoobs

    April 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    James, I have been watching your videos for five years now. When I first started to watch your videos, I was only nine years old. And to hear that amount of cursing and action coming out of one internet video at the age of nine years old, I laughed myself to tears! The first video i ever saw of you was Friday the thirteenth. Every time i see it, there is that prescence of nostalgia that will carry on from to the day I die. I am now fourteen years old and I am extremley happy that you got to fullfill your dream for becoming a film maker. You are the most inspirational person ever, and I wish nothing more, than for you to see this message. I will give up anything in my life to meet you, and tell you face to face how much you have inspired me to become an author, filmaker, director, actor and tell you this. You are MY HERO and always will be. From the bottom of my heart I wish to meet you more than anything in the world. And if you could, maybe if you read this, could you please put it on your mailbag episodes, I sent you a myspace message a couple years ago also telling how much you have inspired me. You introdduced me to most the movies I have come to know and love, such as Ghostbusters one and two, Gremlins and back to the future. You will always hold a special place in my heart for nostalgia and inspiration and I am proud to be a fan. God bless you James.

  • zombislayerpwnsnoobs

    April 25, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Holy shit this had me in tears.

  • ProfessorBAG

    April 28, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Holy crap this was so fucking funny. James i was in tears with you when you were reading “live like a windrammer as you fuck”. i have also watched all your AVGN videos and i hope to see more in the future!

  • dokng

    April 28, 2012 at 6:31 am

    We should all heed the sage advice so thoughtfully written in the literary work which suggests that we live, as was so eloquently put, like a windrammer as we fuck.
    And lo. See thou, futures in balls and shit not, lest thou hath need.

  • HighVoltage

    April 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    I want some of that cyber beer too. Just like that internet money. LOL.

    James you do great work. The Dragon in my Dreams was moving, so much going on in a short film like that is very impressive.

    SO yeah I would have no problem buying you a cyber beer. Keep up the great work. Can’t wait for the movie.

  • May 1, 2012 at 8:01 am

    When I want comedy, I watch you read e-mails. When I want drama, I watch you play vdeo games. When I want suspense, I watch you play board games. When I want a musical, I slap my self in the face.

  • 2099

    May 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I’ll be honest, I laughed harder than I have ever laughed in my entire life when I saw your reaction to that E-Mail with the “Live like a windrammer as you fuck” line. I literally could not breathe for about 6 or 7 minutes, no exaggeration. I’m ashamed to say I’ve never owned an AVGN t-shirt, although I really want one. But if you made a t-shirt with that line on it, there is no doubt in my mind that I would buy it, and tell everyone I know to go out and buy one too. I hope to see that t-shirt in your merchandise catalog very soon. And if I do? I’ll wear it with pride….well, at least with as much pride as you can have while wearing a t-shirt that says “Live like a windrammer as you fuck.”

  • May 2, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Someone should make a t-shirt of
    “live like a windrammer as you fuck.”

  • earaser89

    May 3, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    If you made a t-shirt that said “live like a windrammer as you fuck” I would totally buy it!

  • mr.dude

    May 6, 2012 at 12:13 am

    i dont get live like a windrammer as you fuck

  • hiekkamestari

    May 7, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Really, the t-shirt! I’m in!

  • hiekkamestari

    May 7, 2012 at 3:33 am

    and really, i can relate all the other mails after that.. you’re doing tremendous job for this dying breed of “film making” and the same time introduce us for such a great pieces of film history… If you ever in finland, i loved to serve you a beer.. maybe 2 if you continue this till death do as part!

  • Adz1k96

    May 15, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Oh my fuck i couldn’t stop laughing at the post and James reaction “don’t even take a shit if you don’t have to” “and see future in balls””and live like a windrammer as you fuck” second best cinemassacre vid next to Mario DVD menu review .Keep making more mailbag vids please your doing great love your vids

  • beavischrist

    July 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    live like a windrammer as you fuck

  • beavischrist

    July 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    in ancient rome auspicious men would consult the formations of birds in the sky to divine events that had not yet come to pass. we see futures in balls.

  • beavischrist

    October 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    That blog of his is almost as good with great lines like “Ok and shit the faces and blind them of the eyes, and run away to live a day, American Dreamer”

    “Then I, Ricky, can think about a time of girl, she can be so beatiful, I look on her and get a good smile on my face, get a good hard dicks on my pants”

  • JamesThePowerhead

    October 26, 2012 at 6:48 am

    does that even mean something?

  • Doug

    November 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Dear Mrs. Nerd

    so, does he? ^o^


    i love Engrish so much. i think i get what he was -trying- to say, but wow; never underestimate the vast chasm that is the language barrier.

    a fan

  • gotohemp

    December 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    oh god my sides

    completely lost it at ” mah all tha gods”

  • Jason Pitcher

    January 6, 2013 at 12:12 am

    “Live like a windjammer as you fuck” needs to be in a fortune cookie.

  • January 14, 2013 at 5:59 am

    Dear James Rolfe

    I love how your just sitting on a deck,a computer table…and just remembering your fans messages,and it just makes me be more improbable
    to say your not just a genius,ur the best!

  • February 22, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Lmfao, that one e-mail made me laugh so hard I cried. Can’t breathe XD

  • Ike

    March 27, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    This has got to be one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen!

  • Simon Belmont111

    May 23, 2013 at 12:29 am

    I checked that blog, Fight Hard Yeah, and it’s so fucked up. The site is on fucking marijuana and crack thrown into a blender of shit, piss, and bad fucking grammar. The grammar is bad, so bad. I think it’s supposed to be funny, but I don’t get that shit.

  • December 8, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    I couldn’t stop laughing, James… windrammer?!

  • stealthbushido

    April 4, 2014 at 3:11 am

    Oh man you have an interesting fan base. \m/


    May 7, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    I agree. I always tell kids “Don’t take a shits for anyone, only GIVE shits!.. oh and see future in balls.”

  • noah Lipkind

    January 20, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    you rock avon

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