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April 8, 2012 at 11:21 am
I’ve been seeing these movies in rental stores for years and wondering if they were worth watching in the slightest. Thanks for answering that question with a resounding “no!”.
April 8, 2012 at 11:25 am
Well… Sadly there are crapiest movies out there… Like that turkich movie named “Captain America and El santo vs Spiderman” And thers 2 of them as far as i know.
April 8, 2012 at 11:44 am
I noticed that Cinemassacre now runs on Apache/2.2.17 (Ubuntu) and hosted in Dallas, TX. Before it was hosted on Windows Server in James’ basement.
April 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm
This was a lot better than the first half and I was right… It was shorter.
OT: I agree… The effects are horrible!
Do the people who make these films NOT know what “Light matching” means?
Personally I was always a fan of the giant snake from Conan 1.
It was a full size puppet complete with blood and guts.
If they want to film a convincing snake fight… They could have put two snakes into a terrarium and superimposed it in, like the giant bug movies.
April 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Hi Mike, as a 3D artist and animator I can tell you that a snake is actually not that easy to animate in a convincing manner. Most animators learn 2 and 4 legged creature animation in school, and practice it so often that it becomes second nature very quickly. With an animal like a snake, it gets tricky because it has a very specific way of moving, which can be hard to get exactly right. Especially in full-body shots, where the snake must glide realistically over the ground. I have to agree that these particular movies have mostly terrible effects, but occasionally you see a shot or two which is quite decent – good people sometimes work on bad movies.
April 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm
so jaws team up with the people to fight big jaws
April 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm
I just registered so i could tell you of a movie that would be perfect for you. It’s called, and i kid you not, Striptease Samurai Squad. It basically revolves around this girl who is learning to use her families secret woman’s only fighting technique where when they expose their breasts they start to glow and they get more powerful. And the end is a climatic battle where they fight holding and catching swords with their breasts.
April 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm
D-War is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I’m not kidding. The worst. Don’t give it any credit.
April 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
@szimm
Amen brother!
April 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Your video game references are really awkward and out-of-place, and it was especially bad in this segment.
Legend of Zelda logic? Where did THAT come from? “Oh, well, I’ve GOT to get a video game reference in here somehow, because people like video game references and this site lives off of the AVGN. It doesn’t matter how shoe-horned in it is, just say the word Zelda! People will think it’s funny!”
Inventories in video games have NEVER been realistic. Not only is it not Zelda-specific and thus a glaring attempt to live off of the popularity of the game franchise, but the joke is older than Hyrule. (Get it? Because it’s a video game reference.)
I know you’re new to all of this stuff and that James probably just told you to keep the content coming while he’s away playing Hollywood so that people don’t leave and stop coming back before the movie hits, but man… have a little integrity here. Your stuff should be able to stand on its own without random video game references. Or, at least, put a little more work into the references. That one gave me whiplash.
April 8, 2012 at 3:06 pm
I just noticed that Casper Van Dien his name is on the box of the first movie, but you didnt mention him.
Is his role that small or something?
April 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
I remember another crappy snake movie. It was called Anaconda the next generation or something like that. The snakes were sooo bad, I remember that for shit and giggles, I, an amateur 3d artist with a few basic programs, made a nearly exact replica. But it’s worth watching just because of how crappy it is. A one point, a set hand walks straight into the background of the shot, looks at the camera, realizes it’s rolling, gets a “Ah crap I need to get out of here” look on his face, and sneaks out.
April 8, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Thumbs up for mentioning the giant snake tongue going up a woman’s snatch. I remember seeing this movie once at a friend’s house when we were all drinking beers, being loud and obnoxious, and when that scene came on the room got dead silent for about 10 seconds and then we all busted out laughing. Good times.
April 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm
they should’ve brang out the wunderwaffle-DG2
April 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Yeah, I wouldn’t call the shiniest turd, the “best”
April 8, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Mike… I like your videos, but you are REALLY talking out of your ass in terms of the 3d animation. The CG in these movies suck because they were straight to DVD pieces of shit, and so they hired a shitty effects team. If they had used stop motion, guess what, they would have hired a cheap shitty stop motion team and it still would have sucked.
Also, that ‘snakes are easier to animate’ rationalization you kept using is complete bullshit. It is super easy to fuck up animating a snake. Giving something humanoid, like an ape or whatever, realistic weight is easier because it’s something more familiar. Hell, if you were doing a giant ape you could just mocap somebody acting like one. So it would probably be cheaper and easier for an effects team. With a snake? No such options. It is very difficult to animate a convincing snake.
There are just as many movies with shitty CG dinosaurs, giant alligators, etc., they’re all poorly done, and I’m sure creating the CG snake wasn’t any easier than making the rest of those CG monsters. Why you felt the need to explain these snake movies with that idiotic ‘snakes are easy to animate’ idea is beyond me.
April 8, 2012 at 7:58 pm
I love you Mike, but you don’t know that much about some things.
April 8, 2012 at 11:18 pm
wasn’t part 2 of this review up this morning? what happened to it? and why does the address for this page say, “python-series-review-part-2/”?
April 9, 2012 at 9:44 am
Thanks for a great review (as always) Mike. I was laughing my pants off at the scene with the real estate broker flipping out. Here in Germany we have a lovely TV-sender named T5. They show a lot of movies with animals going berzerk killing stupid humans. Take any animal you can come up with (ants, monkeys, spiders, whatever) and add a “killer” (“Killer Ants”, “Killer Monkeys”, “Killer Spiders”, “Killer Whatever”) and there you have the winning concept. Animals are humans worst enemies.
So, I had the misfortune to watch these snake movies a couple of times … And, well, you sum it up quite good! It’s crap …
April 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm
“I Have Had It With These Monkey-Fightin’ Snakes On This Monday-To-Friday Plane.”
April 10, 2012 at 4:46 am
Hey Mike, I really like your reviews. Don’t get dis-heartened by all the haters hiding behind their Internet screens; they can’t even leave well-constructed comments, let alone make entertaining reviews. I look forward to your stuff, keep ‘em coming!
April 10, 2012 at 7:47 am
you want to see bad animation and cgi, look at a film called mega shark vs crocosaurus. its just terrible and it star is jaleel white
April 10, 2012 at 11:41 am
I was thinking this was going to be about Monty Python.
April 10, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Mike I love your reviews but with this one all I want to add is that in the first Python movie Casper Van Dien is in it and he has anccent that keeps cutting in and out. It happens so much you could make a drinking game out of it.
April 10, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I actually commented saying i noticed his name on the dvd cover and why he wasnt mentioned at all but i guess his role was to small.
April 12, 2012 at 2:42 am
Lol, I worked on the digital composition of New Alcatraz, this movies where done by a company called UFO films, actually new Alcatraz was one of the last movies shot in US, the newer ones where shoot in Bulgaria, I know that the effects kinda suck, but we only had a team of 6 people at a time working on each movies with a deadline of 3 months, I personally was working on composition of 4 movies at the same time when this one showed up
April 12, 2012 at 2:43 am
also check closely in the new alcatraz movie, there is a shot in the cells hallway when you can actually see the camera crew reflected on the glass
April 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm
You should review the maniac cop movies. If you’re looking for ideas. Or all those puppet master movies.
April 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm
nice reviwe man sorry bad spelling but nice job thumms up
April 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm
snake sex who knows maybe she’ll give birth to snakes but giant snakes are creative as making giant sharks mike you forgot the other snake movie mega python vs gatoroid that’s a good giant snake and alligator movie and they fight literally.
April 14, 2012 at 8:56 pm
I’ve seen worse CGI than the snakes in these films. sharktopus and Komodo vs. Cobra are just examples
April 14, 2012 at 9:38 pm
intresting thoughts, you should review Werewolf” the devils hound next, that was also a dissapointment of a movie with a misleading cover
April 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm
I would put this on my top ten worst movies list well at least most of them,
Jon
http://www.everydaynight.com/
April 18, 2012 at 4:53 am
that’s not a samurai sword man
May 16, 2012 at 10:22 am
That’s the greatest NOOOOOOO!! in movie history.
September 7, 2012 at 10:03 am
I’ve seen part of Boa vs. Python, i think it might’ve been a SyFy original, which would explain the shitty graphics and terrible plot/story. There are some other monster movies you might like to watch. one I saw (which, again was a SyFy original) was called MegaShark vs. Giant Octopus, and MegaShark vs. Crocosaurus. The first one has Jaleel White (aka Steve Erkle) as the lead actor. the movie is pretty bad, but it does have a good camp and cheese factor.
October 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Frank Welker also did the voice of the monkey in Monkey Shines.
October 30, 2012 at 1:11 am
Richard Clabaugh, director of the first Python and a talented cameraman in his own rite, was one of my cinematography instructors while I was a student at UNCSA (then just NCSA) and he never spoke much about Python…though we always asked him about it. Frankly, I thought it was a fun little movie. Not good, but fun,
November 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Hahah. “Shut up Wesley!”
March 14, 2013 at 9:43 am
The Langoliers (the Stephen King made-for-TV movie where Balki Bartokomous hits a dude with a toaster) has the worst CGI effects of all time. Review that and then tell me about some of the worst computer generated effects you’ve seen in any movie.
March 14, 2013 at 9:44 am
The Langoliers (the Stephen King made-for-TV movie where Balki Bartokomous hits a dude with a toaster) has the worst CGI effects of all time. Review that and then tell me about the worst computer generated graphics you’ve ever seen.
March 14, 2013 at 9:48 am
Sorry I double posted. I just signed up and am still getting used to the fact that this shit is so ghetto. No way to delete comments? That’s worse than the fact that there is no way to see all videos in order of date. Sorry. I don’t mean to offend. I’m a huge fan and I’ve been drinking.
April 18, 2013 at 12:58 pm
lol
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