AVGN: Dark Castle

James / October 6th, 2011

Comments

  • October 6, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Amazing!

  • October 6, 2011 at 1:01 am

    JESUS CHRIST, JAMES!!!

    You’ve been busy enough as it is with working on the movie, and doing Monster Madness every day this month (at nearly 10 min’s per video, might I add), and yet you ALSO give us a new AVGN.

    You are spoiling us, and I love it :D

    • Weldin Dunn

      March 24, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      I agree he’s very enthusiastic, but he does monster madness the month before october.

  • Pedofinder

    October 6, 2011 at 1:02 am

    MONSTER MADNESS AND AVGN?! I LOVE YOU

    <3

    no homo…

    ok maybe a little

    :D

  • transfixed

    October 6, 2011 at 1:03 am

    What a wonderful surprise! Thanks, Nerd!

  • Kpkillar

    October 6, 2011 at 1:04 am

    I agree with Darris. James thanks for all the work your doing entertaining us. For free I might add. You really are a great entertainer, keep it up I’ve been watching your videos since 06′ and I don’t plan to stop anytime soon.

  • WhiteSpy

    October 6, 2011 at 1:15 am

    seriously funny stuff. I never knew this made it to console. I remember playing this on a Mac Plus. It actually wasn’t bad, it is obviously meant to be played with a keyboard in mouse i guess. Using the mouse to move his arm up and down wasn’t too bad. I remember getting caught in that dungeon many times too.

  • toiletfarm

    October 6, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Heinously anus. Great line. I’m glad you turned up the Diarrhea Dial again.

  • BillyHW

    October 6, 2011 at 1:18 am

    Pressing up to duck. Our grandchildren will wonder what we were thinking.

    • Fred Fuchs

      January 20, 2013 at 12:36 am

      Dark Castle… ain’t that a bitch!

  • floridaboy

    October 6, 2011 at 1:32 am

    James, you get better every time…The AVGN movie is going to like a fine wine that the fans have been aging in the cellar at the proper humidity and temperature levels…Me and the rest of the fans can almost smell the bouquet that awaits us never to be corked again…It’s going to be one hell of a debut…Darris is right though, you are spoiling us…I do not oppose…Please, keep spoiling us…I would also like to see some more Monkey Cheese someday in case you read this.

  • TehJedicake

    October 6, 2011 at 1:38 am

    YOU FUCKING KICK ASS, JAMES.

  • October 6, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Kick ass week on Cinemassacre! thanks for busting ass for the fans man

  • October 6, 2011 at 2:00 am

    Would you have nightmares from that dragon?

  • Valis77

    October 6, 2011 at 2:08 am

    WOW this guy makes lester the unlikly Look Badass and that saying alot.

  • sucidalspree

    October 6, 2011 at 2:10 am

    i gotta say the the new intros are a lil annoying

    but hearing that theme song twice in a row for it

    worth it :D

  • DrZaius

    October 6, 2011 at 2:31 am

    I heard James was a quick editor. That’s the only way I can imagine him releasing all these videos. He just knows how to put them together really fast. Unless he’s got some crew working for him or something.

    I hope his movie is progressing along nicely.

  • Jenslyn87

    October 6, 2011 at 2:40 am

    As has been said: Monster Madness + AVGN = Winning of internets!!

  • October 6, 2011 at 2:50 am

    That was horrible!

    The game; the review was hilarious!

    Jesus, LordKat should play this game to win, on the CD-I.

  • October 6, 2011 at 2:51 am

    haha that was great, the whipping at the end was hilarious lol

  • Jenslyn87

    October 6, 2011 at 2:54 am

    Hahaha, that was awesome. Really made my morning! Seriously, they took everything that makes a good platformer and perverted it so bad :D

  • You Can Just Walk Over It

    October 6, 2011 at 2:54 am

    I liked the comparisons of bad controls in previously reviewed games. It’s not *that* bad when it’s a driving game like roger rabbit or terminator 2, but for a platforming game like kid kool or these dark castle games where everything breaks down based on flawed controls, it’s crazy you got as much footage as you did.

    Looks like Kyle Justin rotted away from lack of beer behind the couch, no wonder he’s been missing for over 2 years. Oh well, at least his skeleton makes for nice decoration!

  • Devil_Rising

    October 6, 2011 at 3:11 am

    Well, James DOES seem to work his ass off. But two things:

    A) He’s been working on these Monster Madness videos for months, I’m pretty sure. He was probably done with them a decent amount of time before Oct. 1st hit.

    B) He actually does have a bit of a crew. He has made some of the videos himself, but Mike, that guy who helps him run the site/servers, etc. And he said back in the summer that he was going to keep doing the AVGN videos, but that he was trying to get a few of them done (back then), enough to fill out the rest of the year (one a month, I’d assume).

    So while he HAS certainly been working his ass off, I’d imagine most of his energy right this minute is indeed going into starting full-blown production on the AVGN movie soon. Right now it seems to be in pre-production. Not that I’m an expert, just educated guessing.

    Either way, you ARE bad ass James. Keep up the good work, I’ve loved pretty much everything you’ve been doing, AVGN, MM, BJ, you name it!

  • UltimoGuitarist

    October 6, 2011 at 3:20 am

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    This is the funniest nerd video I have seen in a looooong time. AS IF! This game can not actually exist. What a joke. I was in tears I was laughing so hard at how ridiculous those controls look, and how often you get dizzy and spin out, then get bowled over by bats and shit. LMFAO!!!!!!!!

  • UltimoGuitarist

    October 6, 2011 at 3:27 am

    Also I gotta say, just when I was starting to think James was running out of ideas, he gives us this gold. It’s amazing, no matter how mundane the weeks might be sometimes, I can always count on a new episode of AVGN here and there to get me laughing my ass off. Never stop doing these man.

  • RememberTomorrow

    October 6, 2011 at 3:35 am

    I laughed so hard when you whiped those games :) I did not see that coming.

  • RememberTomorrow

    October 6, 2011 at 3:38 am

    *whipped

  • adam loewen

    October 6, 2011 at 3:49 am

    Bringing back the OLD nerd voice. I approve

  • com85

    October 6, 2011 at 4:27 am

    One of the best endings ever! good job James =)

  • October 6, 2011 at 4:40 am

    Nerd, haven’t you learned from the Indiana Jones video that playing with whips ends badly…

  • Peter

    October 6, 2011 at 5:33 am

    James, you know what was really magical about this episode?
    When you started playing the CDi version, you made me could actually SEE/FEEL how horrible these controls are. Really impressive.

  • Chris-R.

    October 6, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Man! The CDi bit was hilarious, that game looks fucked! Had me crackin’ up and lollygaggin’. Brilliant episode, cheers

  • October 6, 2011 at 6:29 am

    Nicely done. I laughed hard when you said “on C…D…I….!!!!”

  • October 6, 2011 at 6:38 am

    I really prefer this oldschool style reviews over the exaggerated, “more special effects than jokes” reviews. Keep this style up and I love you :P

  • Joemarvelly

    October 6, 2011 at 7:54 am

    That was a damn good episode!

  • bugsycline

    October 6, 2011 at 8:06 am

    You know you’re an avgn fan when you get excited to see a new upload and you sing along with the theme song as it plays.

  • BobJohnson

    October 6, 2011 at 8:23 am

    MORE EXPLOSIONS

  • DragonFire1984

    October 6, 2011 at 8:23 am

    This is the best episode you’ve done for a long time. It really feels like a nerd episode. Very good job James.

  • October 6, 2011 at 8:25 am

    james, if you read this, you didn’t go as far as you should have ! not that i have ever played that awful piece of shit, but the most famous french reviewer (le joueur du grenier) did, and the FINAL BOSS is … oh my god. you have no idea how epic it is. and i’m not just using this word out of lack of vocabulary !

  • October 6, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Nice one

  • Lord Igos263

    October 6, 2011 at 9:59 am

    It’s great to know that our pal James Rolfe can make kickass eps even when he’s working on a movie! NICE WORK!!

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:16 am

    WHO ARE THESE DEMONS THAT ARE ALLOWED TO BRING SUCH HORROR UPON THIS EARTH … I HAVE A GAME CALLED DINO RICKY FOR THE NES IT LOOKED GOOD AND A GREAT CHALLENGE BUT NO CONTINUES ..I FOUND OUT THERES A CODE BUT IF YOU DIE WITH ONE HEART YOU CONTINUE WITH ONE HEART INSTEAD OF THE STANDARD 3 HEARTS …HAVE YOU PLAYED THAT CRAP????

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:17 am

    LOVED THE NEW SODE

  • Joker83

    October 6, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Monster Madness and AVGN?!?! You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Thank you.

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Yeah! That’s what we call AVGN! Awesome episode, James! ;)

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

    That was an awesome episode, James. I never played Dark Castle, and thanks to you, I never will. : )

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:30 am

    When will Kyle Justin come back to play the theme song. It was cool when he did it!

  • October 6, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Hey click my name and check out my page

  • AnKun

    October 6, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Hey, that made me reaaly wonder what game is worse: Dark Castle on CDI, or Dr. Jekill and Mr. Hyde?

  • October 6, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Lol nice ending. Now I have that “nya nya nya” sound going through my head.

  • October 6, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Hey guys, what is your favorite videogame/ console. Want to discuss it? Head to http://retro1up.lefora.com/2011/09/21/favorite-games/

  • PDL

    October 6, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Thanks for all the work you do.
    Man, I love October!

  • gradual

    October 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    this game looks so annoying

  • songersoft

    October 6, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Very good James.
    Damnation lashes, Fatality.

  • mrbigreddog

    October 6, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Hey James, Great video… I’d love to see you play Another World/Out of this World…

  • October 6, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    CEE DEE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!

    LMAO

  • metalcommand

    October 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Holy crap that C-D-IIIIII D=<! was scary as hell! After that I rofl'd hard!
    What a piece of shit this is. Man, the original game is a underestimated classic, but this is just a butchered, raped and beaten to death port. The just ported it in a crapfast pace, slapped the title on it and brought it on the market.

  • asnaes1981

    October 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    You didn’t torture it enough. Too bad it cant be crucified, since video games don’t have arms or legs.

  • October 6, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    looks like that video game character had been excessive binge drinking before entering the game. I mean look at him, stumbling over everything getting dizzy, taking ages to aim, missing vines you could touch.. he’s definitely drunk.

  • October 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    oh, and Njanjanjanjanja!
    Where did you learn to fly?
    Njanjanjanjanja!Njanjanjanjanja!Njanjanjanjanja!Njanjanjanjanja!Njanjanjanjanja!

  • Bael

    October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    “I like to torture.” ;)

  • SilverDragon

    October 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Wow, now that’s one heck of a shitty game. BTW: I noticed the Genesis cartridge has a weird yellow “button” (kinda looks like an SD card) on the side, and that it doesn’t seem to bear the official Sega seal. Is it one of those unlicensed game, like Little Red Hood and Super Noah Ark 3d.

  • greedo

    October 6, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    @DragonFire1984

    Took the words right out of my mouth. Great job James!

  • profusion

    October 6, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Great episode!!! Thanks for making the day;)

  • TomM

    October 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Wow that game looks like a total piece of shit. I’ve never seen a genesis game with such horrible controls and graphics. My God. I bet the character in the game is related to Lester the Unlikely! :D

  • Heep

    October 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Wow, that was painfull to watch! I felt the anger! :D Great show!

  • You Only Live Thrice

    October 6, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    hahaha good shit!

  • Bohtwhap

    October 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Yeah, whip and torture that abomination like a boss!
    Very great episode, keep it up! :)

  • nomad175

    October 6, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Great vid! Thanks to James and Mike for all the work they’ve been doing.

    On an unrelated topic, does anybody else notice that the annoying monster sound he mentioned sounds like it’s from the Three Stooges?

  • SpeedyEric

    October 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Gotta love me a Halloween episode of AVGN. BTW, nice lighting.

    I could go for some BK right now. Mostly because the kids meals have Simpsons toys for Halloween.

    2:40- Is this like the same hole in the ground where he was hiding in before the U.S. Army found him?

    The graphics and music of this game reminds me of Action 52 on the Genesis.

    7:14- It’s like Sir Shaggy here is the forefather of Lester the Unlikely.

    8:19- If you think Jar Jar Binks is annoying, you haven’t heard about Dark Castle.

    9:55- Oh $h!t.

    11:55- Wow. No wonder why the skeleton of Kyle Justin is behind you. I feel both your pain.

  • October 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    The segment starting at 11:20 is the best AVGN rant ever!! I repeated that section like 20 times and still lol’d! Awesome video james!!!

  • peglakantatari

    October 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    great episode James, simple like the old ones, njanjanjanjanjanjanja, yet with style!

  • Wien

    October 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Let me tell you about some bull balls with this one. I worked at a game studio with the creator of this game (Mark Piece) and he was dead set on porting it to cell phones.

    This was before the advent of the iPhone and Androids. We’re talking about Nokia 6300s, old Sony Ericsons, and Motorola v525s.

    And let me tell you… you don’t know SHIT about SHIT controls until you play Dark Castle on a Motorola v525. One thing the mobile version had though was autoaiming. That was nice.

    http://www.superhappyfunfun.com/games/gam_dc.html

  • GoldenFrog

    October 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    VERY nice avgn James. I didn’t expect you to do one this month with Monster Madness on the go, you must have no spare time atm.
    That whipping scene at the end was Gold !
    Great work as usual !

  • October 6, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Fantastic ending, I lol’d.

  • headcase

    October 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    When I was a kid, I only had this game and Sonic the Hedgehog for a time. This review is everything it should be and more, 4\4 stars!

    At least I didn’t have the CD-i version!

  • culwin

    October 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    I had Beyond Dark Castle for the Macintosh.
    It isn’t bad at all.

  • October 6, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    “Who looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, or Peter Pan with a Mullet.” OR LINK?!?!?!

  • disorient1

    October 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    well, Fatt Man Judgeth had you beat on the Bat Man Forever review, but you’ve got him beat on this piece of suck!

  • Lord Igos263

    October 6, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    “I watch from a view, where thou cannot see. Thou’s shadow is thy only hint, for what is watching thee. From thou’s balcony, door or window from afar, For thee travelers cannot see what is watching them from so very far. Watch & watching those are words, to describe what I am doing, which seems so dark & sinister. So you really want to know where I am doing this? ………..From my dark castle of course, with no force protecting it. From the light & sight that can gazed upon it. Am I afraid of intruders or visitors you ask? OF COURSE NOT YOU NITWIT! Because none have ever set foot…….inside my dark lair & if one does enter my lair. THEN MAY THEIR DEATH COME SWIFTLY TO THEM & CAST THEIR LIFELESS SHELLS, INTO THE DARKNESS!!” (By Lord Igos263)

  • menny

    October 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    that ghost sure can give blow jobs!

  • Dhoyft

    October 6, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    What an awesome episode. Great job, James! I cracked up pretty hard when you said “C-D-I!!!!!!!!!!”

    Keep it up, brothat

  • JackeeLee

    October 6, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Its the most heinously anus thing! Omg I am still laughing from that. I love this video! Excellent job.

  • itscmillertime

    October 6, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    You’ve posted so many other videos recently I forgot all about AVGN! What is wrong with me?

  • Valis77

    October 6, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Ghost head? muts be a reference to ghostbusters.

  • avgnfanfckballs

    October 6, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Again, another great avgn episode. james, keep up the great work your on a roll!!

  • Djister

    October 6, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    The Nerd is possessed!

    Dark Castle truly is that bad, although I’ve only “played” the Genesis version.

    Please review Total Recall for the NES! :)

  • Salculd

    October 6, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    “”Anywhere you fall down drops you into this torture room [...] It’s like playing a monopoly game where every space on the board says go to jail.”

    Now THAT’S a dungeon. It definitely sounds deadly. Danger, too.

  • nintendoman4581

    October 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    I actually own a computer from the 80′s that came with this game on it
    btw, the computer version was so much more fun and the controls are a bit more tolerable
    as a 4-8 year old child this game rocked my world with the difficulties i had to surpass to beat 1 freaking screen!
    It is still an amazing game in my mind from memory but seeing this tortures it, im glad to know the title of the game finally but am saddened that any version of it other than from that old 80′s computer is terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • TheLHP

    October 6, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    I had to replay the whole CDi part because I was laughing my ass off so much lol great episode nerd!

  • Simon Belmont

    October 6, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    Yay new episode whipped ass!

  • juggalo747

    October 7, 2011 at 12:27 am

    No joke, I went on ebay and bought this game as soon as the review was over. I don’t know why, but watching James suffer through these games really makes me want to play them.

  • Mariusz69

    October 7, 2011 at 12:31 am

    Excellent Excuse to use the Demon Face effect!!! Great job, James! Awesomely over-the-top when you got all “Clive Barker HellRaiser” on those carts and decided to “teach them a new world of pain” with that Whip at the end.

  • Shazza1990

    October 7, 2011 at 1:35 am

    Neengeeneeneenga…. That noise had me laughing xD
    Great episode :D

  • monkymahn

    October 7, 2011 at 2:02 am

    Just watching him stumble around like a dumbass was painful. Those games deserved the torture.

  • Cumslut

    October 7, 2011 at 6:42 am

    This is definitely one of the best ones since you started working on your movie even despite the absence of any fancy special effects (loved the fire tho :D, fire is always good), but you had some good material to work with I must say. Too bad it’s such a short episode because I think the shittyness of these games deserve more torture and foul language, but I guess you’re too busy right now. Is it possible we haven’t seen the last of dark castle yet?
    Good work and good luck with the movie. Can’t wait to see it.

  • rsaotome

    October 7, 2011 at 7:56 am

    I probably would’ve laughed just a bit harder, had I not had the same frustration with this game, on the Amiga.

    Dark Castle just had waaaay to many ports & by the looks of it, the CD-I had the absolute worst.

    Thank you for another kickass video!

  • Wien

    October 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Just watched this again. Gotta say, I love the videos where its just you ranting on a shitty game more than the ones that are full production experiences. Not that I dislike those, but these ones make me laugh more.

    Of course, it helps to have great source material like Dark Castle. That guy makes Lester the Unlikely look like Rambo.

  • Jel-K

    October 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Nice one! Those games got the punishment they deserved !!

  • viJilance

    October 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    good to see you back, james

  • MisterE

    October 7, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    i have to say, that i think this was the best episode you’ve done in a LONG time. it’s a lot more back to the basics, like your older reviews. it focuses more on the game than some of your recent ones, and honestly i kind of like how you don’t go into too much of a distraction with the ‘nerd’ character or any of his ‘things’ that he does, like stringing together a 3 minute combo of curse word insults. that said, it still did have some funny stuff in there that wasn’t part of the review, but inspired by the game, like the whip scene at the end. it didn’t go on too long, or derail the video in any way, it (that scene) was executed perfectly.
    in my opinion, this video is up there with the one from the first few seasons. great work!

  • AsianVideoGameNerd

    October 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    This game reminds me of a combination between the Dragon’s Lair and Lester the Unlikely episodes. Its hilariously insane! The gameplay is unresponsive, the graphics are cheesy, and the character disobeys you! LOL

  • kazeneko

    October 7, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    I’ve never heard of this game before. Thank goodness for that. Great review, but it was painful to watch the gameplay. It LOOKS bad. Can only imagine the horror of actually playing it.

  • TrickRed

    October 7, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    man i busted up when you said C D I good work James as always!

  • misiekpierozek

    October 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    man, that was one of the famous text quotes! Superb!!!

  • relapse808

    October 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    part of the reason this game sucks so bad is that it originally came out on the original macintosh!

  • Dirty Jared

    October 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Those seriously look like two of the worst games you’ve ever reviewed. Great video honestly, one of your best.

  • TheDers

    October 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    http://www.businessinsider.com/pr-guy-curses-blogger-brandlink-communcations-2011-10

    Why the hell is there a picture of the nerd in this news article above? Is he supposed to be the blogger or something? Yay random google search for Angry.

  • TheDers

    October 7, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    Oh also that article was linked to by Perez Hilton. So it was weird seeing the Nerd’s face there.

  • headcase

    October 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    @SilverDragon, nope, EA (yes, that EA) had that yellow thing on a few Genesis games. I am not sure if it’s a chip that enhances the performance of the game, although I can’t imagine this awful game needing one.

  • FullerxspectruM

    October 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    I’ll just leave this here: http://thegaminghistorian.com/?p=464
    #BadPorts

  • Auurelius

    October 7, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    My friends and I actually tried to beat this game as well as Ecco the Dolphin two years ago on my birthday. Bunch of 20 year olds sitting around a Sega Genesis with two of the world’s shittiest games ever… Good times… Good times.

  • likalaruku

    October 7, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    I miss having 2 episodes a month.

  • likalaruku

    October 7, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    OMG! As soon as I saw the torture room…I remember this game. I had a black & white version of it on my 1983 Macintosh. It’s a 1986 game, & back then it had the best graphics I’d ever seen in a game.

    Incidently I LOVE the background music; Tocatta & Fugue in D Minor. Is it a full 10-11 minute loop or do they not play the whole song?

  • OmegaRockman

    October 8, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Was the talk about the dragon giving you nightmares a reference to “The Dragon in My Dreams” by chance?

  • ZeFlyGuy

    October 8, 2011 at 1:47 am

    This episode of AVGN was AWESOME! The sound quality, the set, and the jokes were all very impressive. This is easily in my top three favorite episodes. Not bad at all James. Good work.

  • October 8, 2011 at 2:22 am

    That ending was really strange. lol

    Good episode. All around great quality!

  • Goku-3000

    October 8, 2011 at 5:34 am

    Man this was so hilarious, I laughed so hard when you said ” C.D.I ” definitely one of your best review

  • October 8, 2011 at 11:08 am

    http://speeddemosarchive.com/DarkCastle.html Funny how quickly some games can be beaten.

  • joliet_jane

    October 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    I was enjoying monster madness so much, I almost forgot about AVGN!

  • Yalokinh

    October 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    I know he is busy, with the movie, monster madness, and a ton of other shit. but I’d like to see 20+ minute reviews again. but this was a good episode

  • jannen

    October 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Great one again James, and i really liked the part where you said “dark castle on cdi”. LoL good one

  • thequillguy

    October 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    I remember playing this on Amiga. It was back in the day when I could get one game every three months or so (and every three months felt like a lifetime!)

    On the Amiga the (clearly hideous) throwing mechanism wasn’t so bad – the mouse would aim, and you could spam throws by holding the mouse.

    However, the game itself was entirely ridiculous and incredibly hard. It simply wasn’t enjoyable. However, it was macabre watching this utter gonk die repeatedly, so at least that had something going for it.

    With the PC Gamer cry of ‘not another port!’ I think that this is an unusual case where the console port was terrifyingly broken.

  • dokng

    October 9, 2011 at 1:04 am

    Dang. Can’t watch it. It gets to where James mentions the 16 bit graphics in the title screen then the next video starts. I hate to say this but I freaking hate Game Trailers. I’m always running into crap like this on their site. If anyone knows what’s wrong, I’m open to suggestions.

  • October 9, 2011 at 5:08 am

    Oh my god… this episode probably made me laugh more than any other AVGN… ever. When he starts playing the CDi version I lost it. Great, great episode.

  • killteck

    October 9, 2011 at 8:51 am

    EA had the yellow clip on all their Genesis games. The carts were bigger in size and had that only so someone would know its an EA game right away.

  • Cumslut

    October 9, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Lol @ AVGN fans goin trolololololo for abusing the nerds picture.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/pr-guy-curses-blogger-brandlink-communcations-2011-10

  • Elvenking

    October 9, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    OMG…I am getting pissed at that game just watching you play. It would have definitely been douced with some accelerant and set afire within the the first hour of play in my hands.

  • DiceGamer

    October 9, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    I watched a review by HalfBlindGamer on YouTube, according to his video, ‘Dark Castle’ was originally a computer game.
    It kinda makes sense why the aiming and the controls in general sucks.

  • sayhi2yourmom4me

    October 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Great game review. Probably my favorite one I’ve seen in a while. I could really feel the rage! Reminds me of some of the early angry nintendo nerd videos that I thought were so good. It’s just hilarious to watch a guy playing an awful game and getting really, really pissed off. Karate Champ on the NES was mentioned in the review as an example of bad control. It’s funny because I remeber liking that one as a kid. But I do admit that the controls were tricky, if I remeber correctly.

  • October 9, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    I,ve wouldnt have expected ANOTHER! Avgn before the movie, but to my surprice here came a halloween themed one! And it was funny.
    My favorite part was when he presentated the CDI one “C…D…I!!!!!!” laughed my ass off to that one, i had to see it over and over again haha!

    Love James and all his stuff, great performer and i cant wait to see the movie! Dont have any clue what so ever on what its gonna be about exept that i know in my heart that its going to kick ass :) Hopefully he,ll cast some other reviewers in some B-roles on the side for the fun of it.

  • PFarns16

    October 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    I’m not typically a laugh-out-loud type of guy, but I friggin lost it when you said C….D…..I with the fire. Great ep man. That game looks awful.

  • davym123

    October 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Hey nerd, i LOVED your episode, and i can’t wait ’till your movie is released! You’re doing a great job ’till now, keep up the good work!

    On the side note, i KNOW these sounds from that game.. but i have never played the game before.. Anyone knows from where i know these sounds? It must be from a PS1 game i think..
    ps. njinjinjinjiNA! NJAA (Gotta love these little monster’s sounds)

  • Ben_from_G-town

    October 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Wow, here’s a nice surprise! A Halloween-themed AVGN for this year! This was an excellent, classic-styled episode. I loved it. Couldn’t help but laugh my ass off at this. It’s amazing that there’s so many crappy old games that I never heard of.

    It really puts into perspective that there were shitty things in the past too, not just great things, but that all the shitty stuff was forgotten and/or buried… for good reason!

    C…D…I! :D

    Oh, and the whipping of the games was extremely creative and funny. Loved that ending!

  • October 10, 2011 at 1:34 am

    Quiet, meed voice, “Always…..wanted to see…..what’s…..inside these……..things”

  • The Kaleidoscopic God

    October 10, 2011 at 7:12 am

    He sounded genuinely annoyed at 11:14 (“why can’t I do anything?!”). I’m not gonna lie, and I’m not trying to be mean: that’s kind of rare.

    So… great job!

  • Tim

    October 10, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Damn, this is an awesome episode
    The “Tortures of the damned” at the end had me laughing out loud at my screen.

  • LoneDog

    October 10, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Funny thing is.
    When I was younger around 8-14years old I was out playing in the forest that was right next to giant skyscrape shaped like a banana as seen from above.

    In there I found this game having been thrown most likely out of a window. I was so thrilled I had found a free game but even then I remember the horrors of this game and annoyance, this review really brought me back to the horrors of my childhood and nightmares this game gave me, understandable why they threw it away. :P

  • Crust

    October 10, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    The CDI moment was great. I hollered “NO!” just as the flames jumped up. ;-)

    Thanks for the Halloween-themed Nerd video on top of the Monster Madness. I didn’t expect both. You always seem to blossom in October. lol

  • Elvenking

    October 10, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    Thank you for bearing the pain of playing this game for me…so that I could vicariously enjoy the positive side of not having to ever play that royal piece of hog shit. :)

  • yukinolove

    October 11, 2011 at 2:21 am

    I played this game, and even cheating with the game genie this game was impossibly bad, man this game is broken lol

  • Aristotelles

    October 11, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Keep up the good work, James! :)

  • phoenix252005

    October 11, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Wow! If you say that game is the worst game on sega,then it MUST be horrible!!! Those games deserved to be tortured!!! Great review too btw :-)

  • J5

    October 11, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    lol I remeber having this game on the Saga Gensis …Its is truly horrorable game & i remeber a stage coach stage level at the end.. just to start you back at the beginning if you died at the end… now that i remeber i found this game on a grass in my neiborhood way back then… huh i wonder why……lmao!!!!!!!()-;

  • ZzZimmy02

    October 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    I watched this 5 times and it still never gets old :)

  • crimdelacrim

    October 13, 2011 at 2:21 am

    Wow. Yet another classic episode. Seriously, I laugh my dick off every time I watch the Dark Castle on CD-I introduction. I have watched every episode at least 5 times each and that one part makes me laugh the hardest out of any avgn moment ever. Also, I liked you straying from the path a little more with the Genesis. I, personally, would love to see more Genesis games. But it doesn’t matter. Whatever you make is gold. Thanks again, James.

  • October 13, 2011 at 8:01 am

    One of the best in a long time! Gotta buy that game… seems awesome!

    We love you James :) Hope that you make a vid with MF-Mike soon if you have the time :)

  • blyatzkrieg

    October 13, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    In the 2009′s Dark Castle instead of Saddam it says Duncan, and yes the control is about the same.

  • frozenwolf

    October 14, 2011 at 1:15 am

    L…O….L

    Reading wikipedia:

    Game reviewers Hartley and Pattie Lesser complimented the game in their “The Role of Computers” column in Dragon #122 (1987), calling it “the finest arcade/adventure game ever designed for the Macintosh computer — as a matter of fact, for any computer!” and stating, “The graphics and animation are quite literally stunning!”[4] In a subsequent column, the reviewers gave the game 4 out of 5 stars…………….

  • buffalo525

    October 14, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    Hey nerd have you ever heard of the game Alex Kidd. That games suck monkey balls so please review it because we want your opinion. I didnt last 5 minutes until i took this game out. So remember its a sega genesis game. Thanks.

  • spa5734

    October 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

    dear avgn FUCK YOU YOU you deleted the channel 54 mangekyou he subtitled videos for en escluiu you and you are an asshole you had a chance to be known in other countries and lose what the hell you walk smoking? I am Brazilian and I lost the chance to see their videos his fault parabens

  • kaykeyser

    October 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Just wanted to share a story. Presently I was on a bus trip and just THINKING not singing or humming but THINKING the AVGN theme song. It was stuck in my head and I was trying to write new lyrics for it. As i was thinking this song the guy a few rows in front of me pulls out his lap top, takes out an AGVN DVD, the kind you can only get online or at cons, and starts playing the “plumbers don’t wear ties” episode. weird eh?

  • z-byte

    October 16, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Great episode. I enjoyed lots of awesome things in this episode!

    But what happened to the talk about shit and unfair bullcrap? I only heard you yell about the need for a wall and some at the end, but would that be enough to put parts of this episode in the Top 20 AVGN Rants as if there will be another one? If this game was worse than the Winter Games, why was there exponentially less anger? There’s not much ranting going on when you keep stumbling in the Sega gameplay. What happened? What happened to the kind of talk that people’ve known you for? For example, you could’ve said at the character’s first appearance (after the title screen) that he looks like he needs help deciding where to take a shit or where the least shit is.

    Don’t get me wrong; this episode was amazing. However, it wasn’t as amazing as your past creations.

  • October 16, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Just wanted to say. GG bro

  • October 17, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r50lWlHsgP8&feature=related

    This guy whips through Dark Castle in under a minute in a half. Not sure if he used Game Genie or he’s just really good, but I don’t know how its possible to kick ass at this shitty game.

  • October 17, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    It’s the last game he has on the video, starts at 7:05.

  • Elvenking

    October 18, 2011 at 12:12 am

    Damnit James…you kick much ass again. The way you manage to maintain so many lines of entertainment is great…monster madness…AVGN…life is good…thanks!!!

  • October 18, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    God James, I actually felt sorry for you when you pulled out the CDI version.

    Good job

  • devicat

    October 18, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    hey video game nerd i have some intellivision games on ur list please e-mail me at freewolf2006@yahoo.com i would like to donate but i do not have a pay pal

  • Flamee

    October 19, 2011 at 4:05 am

    Man, that is now one of my favorite new nerd videos, you truly are a hero.

  • mad_griffith

    October 20, 2011 at 2:58 am

    Go! Spank that bitch, James!

  • sonnyz

    October 20, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    I shouldn’t have watched this video. I just had my gallbladder removed and now I’m in a lot of pain from laughing so hard. I think i’m dying.

  • Goukeban

    October 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Holy Fuck! CDi is the name of the Devil!

  • weedbright

    October 23, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I played Dark Castle on a Mac se 30. Throwing rocks with the mouse was very smooth while moving with the arrows, using the controls to move and throw looks awful. The one eyed guys going nenenenen were my all time fav to kill. This was one of my favorite when i was younger, but these ports look like a shitting buffalo helped.

  • Kevin T. Bell

    October 24, 2011 at 3:06 am

    I can’t believe it took me two viewings to see Jason’s mask in the background, Freddy’s glove, and Kyle the guitarist…has become a skeleton.

  • FlashbackElectronics

    October 24, 2011 at 7:07 am

    At the end, when The Nerd whips the DC games, i was expecting hearts to come out, and The Nerd to give one of his classic expressions; or to have a turkey leg drop down, etc. I’m actually shocked that there was no CV reference in that scene…

    I never tried the CDi version myself. Thank the heavens…
    I have played the MegaDrive/Genesis release, which is essentially a junked-up, downgraded version of ‘Donkey Kong’ and ‘Donkey Kong Jr.’ mashed together with ear fungus and stewed warthog testes.

    I also thought of ‘Burger King’ when The Nerd commented ‘what is BK?’, but it actually references ‘Black Knight’, the end boss. Good luck trying to beat that.

  • FlashbackElectronics

    October 24, 2011 at 7:11 am

    I’m actually shocked that hearts didn’t come out of the games when The Nerd whipped them, followed by one of those amazing expressions of shock and awe; or a turkey leg…

  • Throwback Neil

    October 24, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Hey, James. Could you review the Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. ports on the NES? The controls and sprites on those games are pathetic compared to that of Super Mario Bros. Which was made a year beforehand.

  • FlashbackElectronics

    October 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    ‘Mario Bros.’ and ‘Donkey Kong’ are not only direct ports of the arcade games, which have nearly identical control, but are actually both from 1983, whereas ‘Super Mario Bros.’ is from 1985. The NES was released in Japan (as the ‘Nintendo Family Computer’) around two-and-a-half years earlier than in the USA.

  • giygas27

    October 26, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Great review James, funny as hell. I think for your next game you should review Bubsy 3D, or maybe even the whole bubsy series. Anyone else think that the nerd should bring that series to justice?

  • Throwback Neil

    October 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    I know they’re direct ports but that’s my point, with the NES’ capabilities they could’ve made everything better. Both those games could’ve been easily made on the Atari 7800 which is what? A ghetto NES? They’re good games standing alone for the most part (I don’t know why you die just by touching certain gurters.) but as NES games they’re frakking mediocre. I know it’s a good thing to preserve the original versions and recycle them once in a while but at least give me the option.

  • IppoSan

    October 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    This one make me laugh so hard !
    Holy fucking game shit, I’ve been tried twice.

    Another french “nerd” tried it (joueurdugrenier) , so fun too.

    Good game , I enjoy !

  • malikawesome45

    October 28, 2011 at 7:24 am

    funny as always

  • jpkdos

    October 29, 2011 at 8:40 am

    This episodes is fucking shit. We want new ang pleaseee GOOD episodes

  • MDcowboy15

    October 30, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Even Lester the Unlikely could kick the guy from Dark Castle’s ass.

  • brandontnt

    November 1, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    funny as

  • thepieman42

    November 2, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    that was so funny with the “BK” especially because those are my initials. I was like whoa its my room.

  • Seblecaribou

    November 4, 2011 at 11:09 am

    GREAT GREAT GREAT Episode! Remind me of the older ones. Simple straight to the point and hilarious as fuck thanks to the angryness! Classic Nerd Shit!

  • novocane84

    November 5, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    I’m experiencing a weird bug on screw attack when I try to watch this episode. About 2 minutes in, it switches over to commercial and then starts showing your Contra Episode.

  • penpan

    November 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    oh man, when you said you had another version on….CDI!!!! MY eyes bugged out and I got fucking scared! :P Whip that game!

  • SONofTheASS

    November 11, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Awesome review, as usual.
    you should also do a ATARI A THON and include Smurf Rescue

  • Halo_Master

    November 13, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    IT WAS TORTURE WATCHING THIS and when u said CDI i thought OH CRAP NOT THAT 1

  • ORDLJU

    November 14, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Fuck, the first screen with the doors reminded me… You know what game you have to review? Drakken for the SNES. Now that’s a terrible fucking game.

  • nisbetron3000

    November 17, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    I used to play the sequel to this game on the Mac Classic. I think it was called “Beyond Dark Castle” and was much more enjoyable.

  • qman311

    November 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Interesting, this game was programmed by Jonathan Gay. Well known for developing flash.

  • November 20, 2011 at 11:11 am

    “Anything you do- you’re fucked! Try this? You’re fucked. Try that? You’re fucked! You’re fucked, you’re fucked, you’re fucked, you’re fucked!!” XD

  • CanofNothing

    November 25, 2011 at 12:34 am

    Hang on, didn’t you mention last time, that if you ever mention Action 52 or Cheetahmen ever again, you’d staple your ballsacks on the roof?

    …Are they?

  • FilipeFigueredoSilva

    November 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Good review…

    Please, consider doing Robocop 2. So frustating…It’s one of the shitiest game that I ever played

  • Nomnipotence

    November 29, 2011 at 2:54 am

    Man, I remember playing this on the Macintosh. It was horrible (but the controls were slightly better on a keyboard). I don’t get why they ported it to Genesis.

  • TheShadowluigi

    November 29, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    the mac version of the same game is great to play

  • senna4ever

    December 2, 2011 at 4:31 am

    As others have said, this is a good game.

    It’s just the version(s) shown are bad ports…really bad ports.

    I used to play it on the Amiga which was probably the best version made. The controlls had been refined, using the mouse to aim, etc.

    Some games are just not made for console play.

  • Big McLargehuge

    December 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Anyone else notice the skeleton behind the couch? Poor Kyle, he was behind the couch for so long the Nerd forgot to feed him.

    Rest in peace, Guitar Guy.

    • Derailment

      December 5, 2011 at 8:42 pm

      i think thats acutally supposed to be the guy who sold avgn the texas chainsaw massacre game.

      @Big McLargehuge

  • SycoMantis91

    December 8, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Shoulda tried it on Hard lol

  • mullac1128

    December 9, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Review Big rigs over the road racing on PC!

  • ChillCherry

    December 9, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    My stomach hurts from laughing so much. This is my favorite episode by far.

  • December 14, 2011 at 2:05 am

    That game looks like it sux ass man…you should have blown that shit up…good vid though.

  • Deschkloth

    December 22, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Whip it! Whip it good!!!

  • Netrunner

    December 26, 2011 at 6:58 am

    This review rocked! the last 5 minutes just blew me away.

    This is the horse shit I want to see nerd!!

    BRING MORE.

  • bongbadabongbadabong

    December 29, 2011 at 1:44 am

    All Hail the Nerd!

  • YngwisWhisper

    December 29, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    THAT is a perfect Angry episode! Keep it that way! :D

    • OfficialJab

      January 1, 2012 at 2:54 am

      @YngwisWhisper

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CHOOO!I know that’s not the clip when she sneezes, but it’s all I can think of when I see her face like that.

  • gamenerd2700

    December 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Why in the fuck is there a bit in this video about the nerd not knowing the difficulty was set to easy when he showed the fucking menu screen, not once but twice, and both times the difficulty is VERY CLEARLY shown as being on easy??? You can’t put a bit in your show if that bit will be ruined by other bits you choose to include. The fact that he had to show the menu two times to pull off the sustaining music bit ruined any chance of the difficulty bit ever working. The whole idea of the difficulty bit was that the nerd assumed that the difficulty was set too high. This concept is ruined by the fact that he had to show the menu screen for an earlier bit which clearly showed an impossible to miss difficulty setting and makes it impossible to believe that the nerd does not know what difficulty it is set to. This is yet another example of piss poor choices of comedy bits and video game clips by James Rolfe that very clearly work against one another. Respect your audience. We are not five year old idiots.

    • wermin

      December 31, 2011 at 5:51 pm

      umadbro @gamenerd2700

      • gamenerd2700

        December 31, 2011 at 10:07 pm

        no im not kid. dont mistake concern for anger ya troll. i love james’s videos. i watch them all the time. im only saying that we as fans deserve some effort. blatant mistakes like this are inexcusable.@wermin

      • Prizm4

        January 1, 2012 at 10:19 pm

        @gamenerd2700@wermin

        “piss poor choices”, “we are not five year old idiots”

        uh-huh, and you called that “concerned”? You’re the troll, you troll.

      • gamenerd2700

        January 2, 2012 at 1:47 am

        First of all dumb fuck I’m not the troll here. You are. They are piss poor choices. They are two routines in complete contradiction to one another. When you do something like this it treats the audience like idiots because it shows very little effort. And yes it is concern because we as fans do a lot to support James and we deserve effort. And yes I am fully aware that James puts alot of effort into his videos and I appreciate his effort for that but mistakes like that unless intentional are not acceptable. Crawl back under your rock and leave the big boys alone.@Prizm4

      • RabidDog

        January 2, 2012 at 3:52 am

        @gamenerd2700@Prizm4

        Yeah, um, I don’t usually post here, but if you think that concern sounds like that, then I shudder to think what you think anger sounds like. If concern really sounds like trolling, then I’ve gravely mistaken much of 4chan.

      • Prizm4

        January 2, 2012 at 8:39 am

        @gamenerd2700 Your rant just proved my point.

      • ChillCherry

        January 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

        @gamenerd2700 Maybe it was intentional. You don’t if it was or wasn’t. So shut the fuck up, asshole.

      • TGW3

        January 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

        @gamenerd2700

        “And yes I am fully aware that James puts alot of effort into his videos and I appreciate his effort for that but mistakes like that unless intentional are not acceptable.”

        Wow. Just…wow. Do you live your entire life with such a self-entitled attitude? You’re getting FREE entertainment from someone who does this simply because they enjoy doing it. What possible criteria do you fit to be “deserving” of anything from James? Are you his producer? His agent? Jesus Fucking McChrist, you sound like a total asshat!

        And that’s not even talking about the fact that this is such a small thing to get worked up about…as if you are some art critic from the New Yorker making a critique on the latest and greatest masterpieces.

        “Not acceptable…” Wow. Come down from your soapbox, Man…the thin air seems to be fucking with your head.

    • OfficialJab

      January 1, 2012 at 2:52 am

      @gamenerd2700

      I liked the bit where you talked about the bits.

      It was funny when he said it anyways, what’s the problem? It’s not like he’s ever actually trying to convince us these are real play-throughs, this is a comedy show, he’s shown us his filming processes. We all know that he knew about the difficulty setting, and everything else, before editing, but it made a good ‘bit’. I think you’re watching these with the wrong mindset to be fully entertained.

    • spadorade

      January 8, 2012 at 2:36 am

      @gamenerd2700 shut the FUCK up

    • spadorade

      January 8, 2012 at 2:46 am

      @gamenerd2700 Your hating so hard on AVGN. Look how much you typed just because he showed the difficulty earlier in the video… Also “Respect your audience.” What the fuck is that shit? Get off your high horse. He doesn’t have to respect anyone.

    • ljngamessuck

      January 10, 2012 at 3:11 pm

      @gamenerd2700 stfu your a dumbass

    • DarkDekicDuka

      January 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm

      @gamenerd2700

      It’s part of the story,dumpass!

    • DarkDekicDuka

      January 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

      @gamenerd2700

      It’s part of the story,you maniac!!!

    • gruk

      February 8, 2012 at 11:02 pm

      @gamenerd2700 The fact you wrote so many words for such a detail… Avgn’s vids are free, and it’s entertainment. Step off your throne of over-estimation. I saw that detail too and you know what ? You can consider it’s done on purpose. But you actually can’t because you think it’s smart to notice it was already shown up so the joke is dead. What a poor argument man. When you watch a movie where you notice a detail changed in the background during a scene (cut mistakes sometimes, but done on purpose other times… easter egg you know ?), do you want the producer to pay you money back ? Common, stop your bullshit and stay humble.

    • gruk

      February 8, 2012 at 11:03 pm

      @gamenerd2700 The fact you wrote so many words for such a detail… Avgn’s vids are free, and it’s entertainment. Step off your throne of over-estimation. I saw that detail too and you know what ? You can consider it’s done on purpose. But you actually can’t because you think it’s smart to nortice it was already shown up so the joke is dead. What a poor argument man. When you watch a movie where you notice a detail changed in the background during a scene (cut mistakes sometimes, but done on purpose other times… easter egg you know ?), do you want the producer to pay you money back ? Common, stop your bullshit and stay humble.

      • March 27, 2012 at 3:18 am

         @gruk I have no doubt that it was intentional. nearly every nerd episode is completely scripted, and he plans everything ahead too make sure all the little cogs for every scene mesh together in harmony. besides, if he had taken notice of this beforehand, it would have ruined the entire set up of the joke. comedy! that’s what this is. As for you gamenerd2700, if you really wanna be mature about your arguement, go watch some LetsPlays. those guys are usually open to constructive criticism on basis of trial and error. However, if you want to be an immature bitch and whine your ass off about such insignificant and miniscule details, go fuckin’ watch Spongebob. It’s full of inconsistency so i’m sure you’ll enjoy it. I’ll even throw in a coloring book and a sippy cup of apple juice. bottom line: grow up or GTFO. All Hail The Nerd!!!

    • nickthegreat

      February 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm

      @gamenerd2700 poop

    • BerserkMushroom

      February 18, 2012 at 5:45 am

      @gamenerd2700 i hate you , you shouldn’t have internet

    • vcx312

      February 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm

       @gamenerd2700 shut the fuck up you sack of shit, James is fucking amazing, you probably are living in the basement of your mothers home.

    • johnathanhauck

      February 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

       @gamenerd2700 U MAD BRO? LOL Nit picking over little details in a quickly made video that is purely for fun and never intended to be taken as serious, you sure are being a whiny little bitch about it. I’d hate to see what you do when someone steals your Big Wheel.
       
      LMFAO maybe you should make some angry toddler videos for us to rip on, cheers douche.

    • RyanSanders

      March 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

       @gamenerd2700  I think Barney or Teletubbies is more suited for someone with you limited metal abilities.

  • ohhello

    January 9, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Hey gamenerd2700, shut the fuck up, you stupid little cunt!

    • MarcoAlexisBoeta

      January 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

      @ohhello you are a fat kid whit a mouse and a pc and is boring to the shitty awesome nerd people atte el Alexis

      • March 27, 2012 at 3:22 am

         @MarcoAlexisBoeta What?

  • MouseZ

    January 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    “oh my fucking god” I’m still laughing! Brilliant, brought me back to days of AVGN first discovery. Probably my favorite bit was the C.D…IIIIIIIIIIIIII fire and brimstone hahaha

  • ChrisFrint

    January 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

    This is by far my favorite AVGN episode. I actually enjoy these basic reviews over the crazy shit he usually does. But if he has an extremely shitty game it can hold its own without all the extra stuff.

  • DarkDekicDuka

    January 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Trie beating the Genisis game!Not so easy!

  • DarkDekicDuka

    January 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Try beating the Genisis game!Not so easy!

  • DravenN

    January 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    hey can we just see your videos in the same page like your older videos? i hate it when another tab opens up.

  • sergio37

    January 24, 2012 at 1:06 am

    Kyle is dead? poor guitar guy!!!!

  • JaysonGeronca

    January 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

    My favorite Sega Genesis game is Yu Yu Hakusho, based on the anime with the same name. Check it out!

    Hey Guys, check out X-Men-A-Thon Par 1. X-Men 1 movie review only @

    G-Jays Productions.

    Grab a copy of X-Men Movies and see more movie reviews @

    http://g-jays.blogspot.com/2012/01/x-men-thon-part-1.html

  • OlDirtyVinceDm

    February 1, 2012 at 2:15 am

    9:52I’ll forever hear Rolfe’s inner demon screaming everytime I’ll hear the letters C.D.I. forever….

  • OlDirtyVinceDm

    February 1, 2012 at 2:15 am

    9:52I’ll forever hear Rolfe’s inner demon screaming everytime I’ll hear the letters C.D.I. ……… forever….

  • MouseZ

    February 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Easily one of my favorite reviews *gold star*

  • nickthegreat

    February 9, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    the guy sounds like curly

  • dcondon58

    February 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Take the taco, because the cake is a lie

  • JaysonGeronca

    February 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    G-Jays Game Zone – your online shopping center!

    Xbox Live Gold Membership (12 months), Wii, Xbox, PS3, PC, Kinect, and games for all consoles now available at G-Jays.

    “Top 10 Video Games of All Time” also available, Visit us at http://g-jays.blogspot.com/2012/02/g-jays-gameone.html

    (powered by Amazon)

  • MatthewMargolis

    February 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    ON C.D.I.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • MatthewSinger

    February 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Brilliant!!

  • jaymoneh

    February 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    When browsing the episodes section, this is the episode I cannot ever seem to remember the details about. However, it is definitely in my favourites list. 

  • muckspreadmadness

    February 27, 2012 at 2:53 am

    Where are the other two stooges ?

  • johnathanhauck

    February 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    LOL This game is a great example of a mediocre computer game being ported to a console. I played this one way back on the original Macintosh, where throwing rocks is easy, but the controls are still sluggish vomit.
     

  • david24745

    February 29, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    lol its made by electronic arts. that kind of shit would fly with them

    • johnathanhauck

      February 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

       @david24745 Back in the day they actually made some good games before they started repackaging the same games and releasing them over and over for 5 yrs.
      The original Need for Speed on 3DO (for example) is still the best one they ever produced. (sadly)

  • RyanSanders

    March 2, 2012 at 6:31 am

    EA, well one of their subcompanies made all those cool Sim games. Now they just monopolize on pro sports, releasing the same game with roster changes and slightly enhanced graphics year after year. At one point, they were supposed to go bankrupt, according to some article I read anyway.

  • JaysonGeronca

    March 3, 2012 at 3:00 am

    KINECT for Xbox 360 – sets World Record
     
    *No controllers or remotes “You are the controller”
    *the Kinect sensor recognizes your gestures and movements
    *connect with just the wave of your hand
     
    *play games, watch TV, movies, & music 
    *Kinect works with every Xbox 360 console
     
    Kinect sets World Record as the fastest selling electronic device in history
     
    (sells faster than Apple products and other gaming consoles)
     
    Own it now
     http://astore.amazon.com/gjaysprod2-20
     
    *No controllers or remotes “You are the controller”
    *the Kinect sensor recognizes your gestures and movements
    *connect with just the wave of your hand
     
    *play games, watch TV, movies, & music 
    *Kinect works with every Xbox 360 console
     
    Kinect sets World Record as the fastest selling electronic device in history
     
    (sells faster than Apple products and other gaming consoles)
     
    Own it now
     http://astore.amazon.com/gjaysprod2-20
     

  • JaysonGeronca

    March 3, 2012 at 3:00 am

    KINECT for Xbox 360
     
    *No controllers or remotes “You are the controller”
    *the Kinect sensor recognizes your gestures and movements
    *connect with just the wave of your hand
     
    *play games, watch TV, movies, & music 
    *Kinect works with every Xbox 360 console
     
    Kinect sets World Record as the fastest selling electronic device in history
     
    (sells faster than Apple products and other gaming consoles)
     
    Own it now
     http://astore.amazon.com/gjaysprod2-20
     
    *No controllers or remotes “You are the controller”
    *the Kinect sensor recognizes your gestures and movements
    *connect with just the wave of your hand
     
    *play games, watch TV, movies, & music 
    *Kinect works with every Xbox 360 console
     
    Kinect sets World Record as the fastest selling electronic device in history
     
    (sells faster than Apple products and other gaming consoles)
     
    Own it now
     http://astore.amazon.com/gjaysprod2-20
     

  • Goninteractive

    March 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    This game was actually quite amazing on the Amiga 500 from comodore. You were aiming with a damn mouse and the arm was moving as fast as the mouse was. computer game should stay there

  • HorazStCruz

    March 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Many Megadrive/Genesis games behave like if there was something wrong with your controller… Chuck Rock, anybody?

  • Macronaso

    March 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    One of my favorite videos.  I hope that when the movie is done James keeps making AVGn videos cuz this is proof that they never get old.
     
    C… D…IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII rofl

  • March 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I wonder if Fred Fuchs is going to make an appearance in the movie.

  • sconethief

    March 14, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Holy shit, I just noticed that behind his futon there’s a skeletal version of his guitar guy. Clever touch Nerd.

  • Hellder7

    March 16, 2012 at 1:12 am

    AWE SO MEH special effects on the “CD-I” near 9:50. Gosh I loved that part. Everyone would yell like that if they say those 3 letters in a row. (Their might be some exception… like I give a fuck.)
     
    Very nice review, I hided my eyes a some places because it was so horrible to watch how trippy this guy can be… and at some points… he looks like a fucking women! Do the programmers where so bad to draw a fucking man sprite? Jeez.

  • tigamann

    March 17, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Wha… wait… at ~11:20: “THIS GAME FUCKS YOU HARDER THAN LIFE ITSELF”! Lol, I just now realized he recycled the german phrase from the “Deadly Towers” review! :D
     
    Can I have a cookie now?!

  • KyleSchofield

    March 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    i think i’d have an easier time playing Deadly Danger Dungeon

  • March 27, 2012 at 2:58 am

    I think I’d have an easier time playing dragon’s lair with one hand, ninja gaiden with the other, both while completely blindfolded, bound, gagged, and drugged.

  • Evans90

    March 27, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    I really enjoy this video. The game footage stresses me out because it looks BAD, but I think everything was so well done! Such attention to detail! I really love the skeleton behind the Nerd dressed as Kyle Justin. Nice touch. And the ending with the whip is GREAT! Loved it. I’m so excited to see the movie. I know you won’t disappoint! 

  • hankforeman91

    March 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Is it just me, or do those creatures seen at 7:30 look very similar to the Dust Bunnies from the Big Comfy Couch? Well, at least this comment may show that there’s finally another couch Kyle Justin can go by when tired of living behind the Nerd’s couch!

  • fjompa

    April 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    haha, I actually owned this game on genesis back in the day, what a complete load of crap it was..

  • Necronomitron

    April 17, 2012 at 3:29 am

    Goddamn, of all the shit games that you’ have reviewed this one sucks the most cock of them all

  • May 9, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    I’ve seen every episode of AVGN every film of yours (that you’ve posted) and THIS episode is the hardest that I have ever laughed.

  • mizfit101

    May 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    dark castle MORE LIKE DARK ASSHOLE!

  • ZombieKillerXXX

    May 31, 2012 at 12:56 am

    “What are his fucking shoes tied together?”

  • AJM

    June 1, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    This episode wasn’t bad, but at the beginning, you sounded like you had no enthusiasm. This was still funny and all, but you sounded like you were tired or bored.

  • KingVidiot

    June 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    To be fair, the original version of the game on the MacPlus was groundbreaking and very fun. Since the game mechanics were designed around a mouse, it was doomed to fail on a game controller without re-doing the gameplay. The graphics were better on the MacPlus as well.

  • Jackie Lawless

    June 3, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Funniest ending ever.

  • PICKYmeansbusiness

    July 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I’ll never think of stairs the same way again.

  • patters

    July 21, 2012 at 5:51 am

    The bit where the footage of the CD-i version kicks in got me laughing hard. So hopeless. What I will say though is that when your only computer was a Macintosh Classic with a 9″ black and white screen, Dark Castle, and its sequel Beyond Dark Castle were the best damn games ever. I actually completed both of them back in the day. Thing is, they had mouse aiming for the rock throwing so it wasn’t too bad. Even better, you could delegate the rock throwing duties to a friend. How on earth anybody considered Dark Castle worthy of a port to a platform with a D-pad is a mystery. They had obviously never played it.

  • themeshow1011

    July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I’ve actually seen the original version of this game on the macintosh. the game deserved the sequels.

  • Boomguy9000

    August 6, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    flick that up to C D IIIIIIIII

  • Jake-hill

    August 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    i really hope the angry video game nerd movie is on the cinemassacre not the movie

  • Akuma26

    September 1, 2012 at 2:06 am

    the halloween theme?

  • rush86

    September 11, 2012 at 7:01 am

    wow i just dont get how in the fuck they would even released such a horrible piece of fuck like this. I mean didnt the developers even try it out . And if they did they must of been smokin crack and on acid and herion at the same time. If they played it and said, hey lets release it. I just cant believe it. i would love to find the creators and ask them a few questions.

  • HeavyIsPie

    October 2, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    i am so glad i never heard of this shit heap.

  • toad004

    November 8, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    You can clearly see “Electronic Arts” on that cartridge there. But for some reason, AVGN doesn’t mention them. He also never mentions Activision (LJN was bought out by another company, who in turn was bought out by Activision). Yet, he had no problem talking about Capcom and Kanomi. Why can AVGN talk about some companies but not others? Does Capcom endorse AVGN or something?

    • February 10, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      It probably just slipped his mind. Not everyone has a crusade against EA.

  • AeonSkul

    November 20, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Did anyone else notice Mike’s skeleton in the background?

  • TravisTheCrownless

    December 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    i literary said Burger King before he said it and once he said it i was like “i fucking knew he would say that” lol. nice one AVGN

  • johnmorisi

    January 1, 2013 at 3:43 am

    rewatching. this one is definitely the best out of the 2012 collection. the moment when you bring up dark castle for the c-g-EYE, made me laugh just as hard as it did the first time. Definitely my favorite AVGN moment.

  • January 4, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    This is one of my favorite AVGN episodes ever. I like the individual game review style.

  • Seimann

    January 22, 2013 at 11:45 am

    I remember i was playing that game yeeears ago. But not until you made the review. What a horrible game! Sooooo bad

  • piedude67

    February 7, 2013 at 1:35 am

    My goodness.

  • Aaron1375

    February 10, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    I should be writing, instead I am watching old episodes of your show…oh well, at least I am being very entertained.

  • stoney_1

    February 17, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    I cannot believe that video game even exists!

  • Haziel Olivera

    February 20, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    Lol funny as shit!!!

  • Tom Jones' Little Brother

    February 28, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Saddam was here, what in the fucking world is that all about?

  • misfits

    March 27, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    omg the best review dude!!!i literally cried from laughter!!

  • April 3, 2013 at 1:42 am

    lol

  • April 3, 2013 at 1:49 am

    gameers rule
    & saddam was here

  • April 8, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipzR9bhei_o in case you didn’t get enough of the music, here’s the theme song of this game. it’s actually quite a respectable bach piece-one of my favorite pieces of music from the baroque era.

  • Ivan

    May 2, 2013 at 12:59 am

    Worst game reviews, I would not even like to play them!

  • July 28, 2013 at 1:43 am

    When James yelled CD-i, it was funny! NO, This episode was funny!

  • Loserhero1982

    August 13, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    LMAO i missed this ep somehow. But man that whipping scene in the end… fucking crying lol

  • andywagz

    September 12, 2013 at 10:45 am

    just watched this episode again. its a pretty darn good one. i laughed quite a bit during the CDI part.

  • September 24, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    I am thinking the Bk Stands for British Knights remember that shoe company:P

  • flawn scorpion

    October 3, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    deadly!

  • Corvale

    October 12, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    This game sounds exactly like Lester the Unlikely. Listen to the damn bats and when this whimp of a character kicks the bucket. Mind. Blown.

  • Shawdawg

    October 15, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    I will say this, the Genesis version is god awful. I do remember playing the PC version and it still has the goofy aiming and falling stuff, but seemed easier to play. Almost beat it too. The thing you basically have to do is get the shield powerup first from the right door, and then try to get the fireball from one of the left doors.

  • Pokelol99

    October 20, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    if you like t go in quebec canada

  • LJN Toys

    October 23, 2013 at 3:13 am

    I wish I could go back in time to watch this episode for the first time again. When I first saw this, I had no idea the CDI part was coming, and it was fucking hilarious. It still is, but I laughed so hard the first time I saw it.

  • BladeRunner

    November 3, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    great episode, just as funny as the first time I saw it.

  • December 19, 2013 at 3:04 am

    hey man the steam link is not working showing me an error Stream not found: Cinemassacre-13354_hd1.mp4

  • Weldin Dunn

    December 20, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    The guy looks like shaggy had gay butt sex with buddy the elf from Elf and that their baby

  • February 16, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    The composition is
    Bach: Toccata and Fugue in D minor, BWV 565

  • August 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    just realized the music is Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by J.S. Bach

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