old written game reviews – 32X, Virtual Boy

James / April 24th, 2011

The 32-bit era saw some lackluster game systems from Sega and Nintendo. As the Angry Video Game Nerd, I reviewed both the 32X and Virtual Boy, but even back in the day, I wrote something about them, when they were current. Surprisingly, I praised the Virtual Boy’s 3D effects. Reading this reminded me how cool it actually was when playing it for the very first time, but afterwards, it started to suck pretty quickly. Here’s the initial account of these “cutting edge” new systems from my young self, first-hand.

Comments

  • April 24, 2011 at 7:52 am

    I had the massive Sega set up of the 32X, CD, and Genesis. It was a pain to hook up, but all the hours of DOOM were well worth it.

  • cloob1

    April 24, 2011 at 8:31 am

    I went with the N64 back in the day, glad I did. My brother and I bought a Virtual Boy from KB Toys for 30 dollars! Teleroboxer was the best, but it only had like 6 opponents.

  • April 24, 2011 at 9:03 am

    anyone notice the gray bar at the top of the screen?

  • April 24, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I thought the virtual boy was badass when it came out. I never owned it so that’s probably why lol.

  • AxBunny

    April 24, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I got my Nintendo 64 well into the Playstation 2 era, and I paid 60 dollars for it and two games. I’m a bit younger than James, but I was more interested in the Playstation because I knew it would have way better games than the N64.

    Those other systems looked like total crap to me so I didn’t bother with any of it. I’m glad now.

  • April 24, 2011 at 10:03 am

    @Waendchen: I assume this site is through WordPress, because I have a blog through there and there is always a grey bar at the top when you are signed in.

    I remember when the Virtual Boy came out, and testing it at the store. I didn’t like the red and black look of it, and I’m glad I never bought it since it appears to not be such a pleasant experience after seeing your reviews of it.

  • radioactivetouch

    April 24, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Your reviews had pathetic grammar. All sentences ended after a few words. You were afraid to write anything complex. You were worried you might make grammatical mistakes. I lower my head in shame for you. I vow to make fun of you this way forever and ever.

  • levski

    April 24, 2011 at 10:32 am

    To Waendchen:
    I noticed it too!

  • _JRPGNerd_

    April 24, 2011 at 10:37 am

    “Amazing 3D”. You were a little douchebag back then.

  • prostratic

    April 24, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Nintendo should have named the N64 “The Nintendo Ultra 64 !!!!”

  • April 24, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Wow, you really were a little Nintendo fanboy back then =P

  • BillyHW

    April 24, 2011 at 11:11 am

    I agree, the Super Nintendo was way better than the Sega 32X. And 32X owners had small penises, too. So sad.

    It’s also true that the Virtua Boy was very hard to play in the car, unless someone was willing to hold it to your face.

    🙂

  • TomM

    April 24, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    His grammar isn’t that bad guys. Anyway, thanks for posting.

  • Shinoda

    April 24, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I love how are you semi-predicted Sega’s downfall… you’re talking about exactly what the problem with them was. we need more systems and more Sonic games…3rd parties will have to deal with it and that was the problem!

  • viJilance

    April 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Holy wall of text, no offence- I’m not gonna read this.

    James should narrate this whole thing…. then i’d use it to drift off into sleep.

  • April 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    “radioactivetouch
    April 24, 2011 at 10:24 am
    Your reviews had pathetic grammar. All sentences ended after a few words. You were afraid to write anything complex. You were worried you might make grammatical mistakes. I lower my head in shame for you. I vow to make fun of you this way forever and ever.”

    Oh trolls…

  • April 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Haha, pretty funny in retrospect. You were a little Nintendo fanboi. It’s funny reading this after seeing your more current reviews of the Virtual Boy, Sega CD/32x (your opinion hasn’t changed), and Playstation. Yeah they tricked me into thinking Nin64 would be good, too.

    Love the holy-shit-death-by-text wall.

  • MegatoastX

    April 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    As a kid I had Doom for Snes but I didnt like doom all that much. I thought the control was bad but I loved the music. When the n64 came out I loved it. It is still my favorite game console of all time. I know some people dont like it, mostly because of the control. But I got real used to it, and even today it is still my favorite console next to my Ps3 and WII of course.

  • jtmoore

    April 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Ohh the memories. I was into more PC gaming at the time, but I still remember all the craziness that all of this caused.

  • kevenz

    April 24, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Haha, reading this review, it’s quite clear you were a nintendo fanboy! 🙂

    Well I was a Sega fanboy back then and I still find your review a little bit frustrating in some part….. like saying the Saturn sucks which is false in my opinion 🙂

  • killteck

    April 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Doom on 32X was awesome at the time. Not as good as the PC version, but I didn’t have a PC then. Now I have Doom 3 for XBOX with the classic games, but can’t turn off the shitty music! Doom 64 is a good one. These games put the FU in fun.

  • BillyHW

    April 24, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Guys, the best version of Doom was on the Atari Jaguar, and the five of us who played it know this is true.

  • April 24, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    It’s funny how much you can tell with these reviews how much you LOVED Nintendo, and how much you hated Sega. Young James was totally a Nintendo Fanboy 😉

    Great stuff James.

  • April 24, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Gosh, those sound like most of the complaints you had in the AVGN videos.

  • Orestis

    April 24, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Yes, it is interesting how most of the complaints hold from the pov of a child and of an adult/professional. Mostly the way you say it changed, than the issues of the systems themselves.
    Also interesting to see “thier” in a pre-internet era, but this also seems to be in purpose. All of them are like that.

  • arklon

    April 24, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    I think its hysterical how all these guys are calling him a Nintendo fanboy. About all the compaints he has about these systems are true and every one who has played them pretty much knows this. Real fan boys are the ones who bash all other systems and games without even playing them. The fact that James actually bought and played these games makes him a video game fan period. When the Virtual Boy first game out it really was awesome looking, it was not until people bought and played them for a while that they found that it really was not all that great.
    Also its funny reading this all these years later because all this stuff he says about sega is part of why they finally went down in the first place. He was not being a “fanboy” he was just telling it how it was.

    My experience with 32x was brief, I bought it and hooked it up and it would not work at all. I then took it back and got another machine and once again it would not work at all. At the time I was extremly pissed because I wanted to play the Doom game really bad.

  • Undertaker91

    April 24, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    wow, interesting review. u had quite the positive opinion of the Virtual Boy back then but u still noticed its problems. the other ones just didnt have many positive things about them to talk about

  • April 24, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    I recently bought a ‘Killer Instinct’ arcade machine. I still can’t help but chuckle every time that announcement comes on… “Coming in 1995 only on Nintendo Ultra 64! Killer Instinct!”
    I never knew that Virtual Boy was 32-bit… that’s cool I guess.

  • Analbag Thats Me

    April 25, 2011 at 2:22 am

    The lesson here is play Doom on computer. It’s the only version they got right

  • Blasphemy666

    April 25, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Arklon you are a total idiot lol. Did you even read the review and then read what you said. He never bought and played the “Ultra 64” but he was talking it up saying it would have better than PC graphics (ignorant statement but he wwas a child). Saying something ignorant like that is fanboyism though and you should be slapped for being such a retard

  • arklon

    April 25, 2011 at 8:21 am

    LOL oh boy… if you had actually read what I wrote you would see that I was talking about what he said about the several Sega systems he reviewed. I never once mentioned the Nintendo 64 nor did I say he bought it. You really need to fully read a comment before you call someone an idiot because you may end up looking like one yourself. 🙂

  • killteck

    April 25, 2011 at 9:22 am

    The 32X was not hard to hook-up. Sadly it only had like 5 or 6 games worth playing.

  • Sirius

    April 25, 2011 at 9:42 am

    These reviews make me laugh. I hope you didn’t give any of them to your teachers, they must have been bored to death!

  • April 25, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Yeah the 32x was totally retarded, but knuckles chaotix was a pretty good game. Yes, it’s pretty stupid that they didn’t launch a game with Sonic… but thanks to the internet there is a downloadable version that added his sprite to the game.

  • El Dandy

    April 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    It’s like a preview of your 32X review. Nice work.

  • April 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I love these older reviews. You really loved Nintendo, huh 🙂

    I’m curious as to what your take is on this current generation. Personally I never talk crap about any console because everyone has different tastes. Reviews (Not AVGN…I mean, unless your really angry) on the Wii, 360 and PS3 would be nice though I’m aware you mostly use your PS3 as a Blu-Ray player 😛

  • Grandoak9

    April 25, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    nice how old were you when you wrote this

  • Calavera

    April 26, 2011 at 12:09 am

    Ha yeah you were a pretty big Nintendo fan back then, luckily I had both a Genesis and SNES so I could enjoy both systems equally.

  • Slammo

    April 26, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Dear Dr. James

    You rock !!! and are the epic idol of all of us who had to endure the shitty game console wars .Hats off to you sir ,by the way I finally after 20 years beat Ninja Gaiden … yes on the nes and yes no cheating !!! fucking proud of it !!! When I finally got to witness the end credits/story with my own eyes, by my hands I almost cried. My girlfriend had to endure an entire “long” weekend of me playing this game to accomplish this (she deserves prop’s for that alone- level 6-2 music for the 700th time) but when all said and done felt like a true master and said to the screen ” this is for you James this is for you” love all your shit… everything, Cinemassacre is true entertainment and education!!!

    P.S. my girlfriend wants your babies

    P.P.S. note the proper use of explanation marks 😉

  • superca.in

    April 26, 2011 at 3:23 am

    Thier?? how come you misspelled THEIR so many times?? by the way, SEGA sucks and sucked back then, thats why they dont produce consoles anymore.

  • DutchArsene

    April 26, 2011 at 3:28 am

    Sega had no good plans for consoles back then. The 32X was a scam to give away money without getting value for them. Have you heard of an add on more expensive than the system itself? Basically, there were no games to justify it’s purchase. If SEGA released ONLY the Sega CD, it would have been at least understandable, because every company, even Nintendo, was rushing to make their own CD add on.

  • mantrox

    April 26, 2011 at 4:41 am

    Wow, back then you were a TRUE Nintendo fanboy xD

  • aggelos02

    April 26, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Yeah! 32x sucks! But now everybody knows Virtual Boy sucks 2.

  • Romulator

    April 26, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    you can play the games here without owning the cosole, Jame loves this site.

    http://vizzed.com/vizzedboard/retrotoons/index.php?show=13

  • fmdof

    April 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    love it

  • BobJohnson

    April 27, 2011 at 11:39 am

    I wonder what you think of the 3DS?

    It could be a cheap filler review while you make the movie, although I do’nt really know s*** about making movies so idk.

  • TiltDogg

    April 27, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    HA! It’s printed on 80’s style track-feed paper. Awesome. Doesn’t look like Dot-Matrix print, but couldn’t have been far off!

    Cool reading your thoughts from so many years ago, James. Pretty off-base with the Virtual Boy, but at the time, we practically expected this thing to be like Virtual Reality…

    It Virtually, Really, Sucked! 🙂

    Keep it comin’!

  • Sea Cucumber

    April 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    If anyone wants to buy my 32x I’l sell it for $150.

  • luisvaladez_ljnlicksballs

    May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    Is it true there is gonna be a new wii console? And you should review on how fucking long the damn fucking playstation network is taking to repair its self from hackers and shit its bullshit!

  • loveavgnvids

    May 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    $15? that piece of shit isn’t even worth that.

  • eusousuperior

    May 5, 2011 at 12:24 am

    Nintendo fanboy for life

    XD

  • May 8, 2011 at 6:55 am

    ha, old perforated printer paper! The “Ultra” 64! This must have been written in around December 1995, probably after reading the December issue of Nintendo Power, and it’s preview of Killer Instinct on the N64.

    Grats man, you took me back to my youth, wow…

    Just had full on recall of 1995, early 1996…

  • Miles Tormani

    May 10, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Hahaha. Totally a fanboy writeup, though to be fair, I had the same fanboy pretenses at that age. I was all like “Playstation? More like GAYstation,” not even realizing that there were some really good games on the system.

    Surprising to see legitimate complaints within all that fanboy talk of your youth, though. I also find it amusing that you didn’t bother correcting the spelling and grammar errors you had back in the day.

    “Hey guys, remember when I couldn’t spell ‘their’ right?”

  • Stylix

    May 11, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I laughed when I read the part about the n64 having better graphics than any arcade or computer. Before the system came out I thought it was going to look like (or better) than the KI arcade version. Unfortunately once I got the system at launch and got it home I noticed just how low res and blurry everything was. It was pretty easy to look past though because the games were so much fun to play.

  • Just Julian

    May 11, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Maybe AVGN copyied something of this in his Sega-CD and -32X review

  • May 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    The Nintendo Ultra 64…. damn that takes me back.

  • scabby

    April 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Apparently James learned all about the Virtual Boy before he learned about paragraph breaks. WALL O TEXT.

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